Month in Review: October

If you're too lazy to read about my whole month of October, here's a brief summary. Be warned, however: you will be missing, well, everything. For those of you who have done your reading, consider this a helpful outline of all our (or should I say "my") adventures of the past month. In no order whatsoever:

The High Holidays
The Book of Shawarmaments and the Holy Citron Fruit
The Helmet of Glory
Extensive American Bios
Going to the Mikveh
Spending time with the Dolgins, Schmeedas, Liebermans, and Yeshivat Ohr Sameach
Solving Mysteries and Yeshiva Jokes
ALEPH DELTA MAO Initiation
Rabbi Goren Reunion
Tina Epstein's first comment
Shabbat Schedule
100 Things I Miss About Home and the 50 First Things I Like About Israel
Dinner at Norman's with my friends
Spending Shmini Atzeret and Simchat Torah with my dad
The Tel Aviv Hilton

PS: Happy Halloween. Not that we are celebrating it here in Israel or anything. Just getting it out there, you know.

Silencing the Detractors

Now, some of you, after reading a good number of posts on this site, may infer that I am having a lousy time here. To quote some comments made after reading the 100 things I miss about home:

"It sounds like prison over there." -Avi Samuels

"You should look into sending Yoni to another yeshiva, like Mevaseret." -Jeff "Avrum" Rabin

"Two thumbs down!" -Ebert and Roeper

Now, some this may stem from what people call pessimism. In my opinion, I call it realism. And when I criticize, I do so to achieve an end, and to bring about a change, not just to complain. Well, maybe not regarding the cucumbers.

But are the 100 things I miss about home pessimism? Do we all not experience a sense of homesickness after moving to a new place, particularly if that new place is after eighteen years in the same continent? Do these feelings exist even if we do not acknowledge them, commit them to paper or e-space? I think they do.

And to be fair, there are some things I really enjoy about being in Israel for a year. I have only been here two months, so the list, in theory, should be 1/111th of the list (2 months out of 18 years 6 months). But since both that fraction is very messy, and since 1/111th of 100 is less than one thing I like about Israel, I have created

THE FIRST 50 THINGS THAT I LIKE ABOUT ISRAEL!
So there. And as my time in Israel increases, I will try to add more. Detractors, ha! "Your mother was a hamster and your father smelledof elderberries! Now go away, or I shall taunt you a second time!"

The different toilet flushers, and the half- and full-flush levers.
How people will invite you for Shabbat anytime.
The lack of driving on Shabbats, holidays, and particularly Yom Kippur.
Changing the clocks before Yom Kippur to make the fast seem shorter.
Having kosher restaurants on every corner, particularly if they serve shawarma.
Starting my every day with Birkat Cohanim.
Praying at the Western Wall.
Traveling anywhere in this small country– even Eilat, six hours away, is close.
The fact that I can and probably will run into someone I know in a few hours in the OC.
The diversity of the people here, even among the Jews. And remember, there is no Conservative, Reform, Reconstructionist etc. Jewry here.
Playing the Israelis at backgammon. And winning.
The challenge of a new language, and fitting into Hebrew as I’ve never done before, even if that means making mistakes.
Learning to appreciate the nuances of Israeli slang.
The tremendous pride and courage of the Israeli teenagers in my group who will be going to the army next year.
Setting my own learning schedule, knowing I can study at my own pace.
The openness of the yeshiva– politically, religiously, and spiritually.
Driving in a taxi, not knowing what kind of driver I’ll find inside. Only New York has a more eclectic group of drivers, and I’ll get to experience that next year.
The additional security; I actually feel safer, knowing that our safety is a top priority everywhere.
Looking at America and Americanism in a new light, and seeing my country from an outsider’s viewpoint.
Slowly but meticulously progressing in my gmara studies.
How everyone I’ve met on my vacation seems to know the Liggetts. Even my Microsoft Word spellcheck in Israel didn’t underline it.
Hanging around Jerusalem: Ben Yehuda and the Emek and the OC.
Needing to listen a lot more, now that speaking is more difficult, and needing to choose my words with more care.
Playing “Yaniv” with the guys, and the crazy stunt the loser has to perform.
Being able to wear a kippa and not having to worry about representing the Jews in a foreign land.
Seeing a sukkah at every restaurant on Ben Yehuda during the holiday.
The view from the mountaintop.
The streets all being named after biblical people and heroes of modern Israel.
That all the souvenir shops sell Jewish chotchkes.
Seeing Jewish kids perfectly comfortable walking the street alone.
The big healthy (if somewhat repetitive) Israeli breakfasts.
The raw joy and emotion at Israeli-style birthday parties.
The sense of camaraderie at the yeshiva, a sensation that includes the foreign Americans.
Hiking, swimming, and exploring the terrain of this beautiful country.
The courageousness needed to start a new moshav.
The thousands of years of history, and how it is preserved amidst the fast-paced modern world.
Only keeping one day of chag.
Playing Jewish geography, and more often than not, finding we know someone in common.
Finding common ground with an Israeli teenager, particularly if the subject in question is the horrendousness of “Pride and Prejudice.”
The kibbutz-like sense of community at a place that is not really a kibbutz.
Observing, and sometimes participating in, the discussion of Israeli politics. Usually, the issue of Gaza.
Enjoying cold water/air conditioning after a hot Israeli day.
Chatting with friends at other yeshivot, and comparing our experiences.
Finding the Beit Midrash is open 24/7, and that learning never ceases.
The Gilboa Irises, which should bloom in February. They are supposed to be world-famous.
Looking at the night sky from atop the kibbutz tower.
Discussions with Rav Bigman late at night on the grass.
Shoko B’Sakit. Or, chocolate milk in a bag.
My choice of Ma’aleh Gilboa.
The Jewish atmosphere.

Short Shabbat Recap

I am currently working on a longer post, so this entry, a short recap of my Shabbat in Tel Aviv, will be brief. Highlights include:

• Finishing "The Ultimate Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy" and starting a new book by James Patterson.
• Lunch, which we bought at a makolet right before Shabbat. We ate in our room, and it included sausages, potato chips, pita, pickles, and orange soda. Quite appetizing.
• Hanging out with Marty and Renee Lieberman one last time before they leave tonight. We played cards and talked over sodas in the Executive Lounge on the 17th floor of the Hilton. And we did maariv on the balcony overlooking the sea.
• Saturday night on Dizengoff Street, one of the most happening in all of Israel. We shopped at a Steimatzky bookstore, got shwarmas, visited a cool fountain, and walked around.
• Saw the movie "The Brothers Grimm" at Rav Chen cineplex on Dizengoff. It was, um, interesting. A twisted fairy tale by Terry Gilliam, of Monty Python fame.
• After the movie, which ended about midnight, we returned to the room and stayed up until 2:30 a.m. watching football... I mean soccer. Up to 2:30 a.m. watching soccer is only justifiable, by the way, if this time is spent ridiculing the sport. And that is exactly what we did. Great lines included "the over-under is 2" and "we've got a 2-1 shootout on our hands" and "how about a power play?"

And today is my last day of freedom before returning to the City on the Hill. All good things must come to an end, they say. And this is a very cool picture, I say:

And for ten bonus points: what is the best way to get a jacket from Tel Aviv to Givat Zev, near Jerusalem? When formulating your response, please take into account the following factors: speed, cost, convenience of receiver, mode of transportation, making sure the jacket arrives safely at the destination. Creativity counts, too.

Tel Aviv: the LA of Israel

Before getting to Friday's journey, a recap of Thursday night: Chinese corn soup and shipudim for dinner, meeting up with many Americans at Liora Pollick's birthday party at Coffee Bean, and the Helmet of Glory. To elaborate: a small Persian shop near our hotel had a silver helmet for sale that I immediately noticed walking by. The shopkeeper originally offered it for $1200, then raised the price to $1800 after weighing it (as if this made a difference in the price?). The shopkeeper showed us a few other helmets (though none as impressive as the Helmet of Glory), and though we did not buy anything, we took some excellent pictures.

Friday morning was our last in Jerusalem for this stay. After picking up a long-lost bar mitzvah tape from a shady videographer, and making sure my computer was still incapable of anything, we packed our bags for Tel Aviv. And after an hour drive, we arrived at the Alexander Hotel, where my family spent many a summer years and years ago. It is here that I am typing this entry, in the business office.

Tel Aviv is so different from Jerusalem. Whereas Jerusalem starts to shut down for Shabbat around noon, the tayelet (boardwalk) is still going strong. We had a late fish lunch, which was memorable for the ever-replenishing salads, and the whole fish placed before us. Another difference is how much more you need to check for kosher restaurants in Tel Aviv. And the people, too-- Tel Aviv feels like an Israeli version of Los Angeles, while Jerusalem feels like an Israeli Beverlywood, with lots of Jerusalem stone. I can't think of an LA counterpart to Ma'aleh Gilboa.

Anyway, gotta get ready for the Sabbath. We are having dinner with the Liebermans, again; they are staying at the next door Hilton Tel Aviv. Should be good eating. But before we go, more birthday wishes.

October 28th always seems to have lots of birthdays. When I was younger, my brothers and I would search sports cards to see which athletes had the same birthdays as us; I was always disappointed because the only person I could find was Bret Saberhagen, a retired Red Sox pitcher. Now I know David Mayer-Deutsch, so the people with whom I know I share a birthday is now up to two. But the 28th is replete with birthdays; I remember ex-Bronco running back Terrell Davis having this date, and more people I know were born on this 28th day of October. Ben, for example, a second-year student at Ohr Sameach who I only met this week. Barry Gumerove, though I can't possibly imagine how I remember that after carpooling with his family all those years ago. But perhaps more importantly are two people who actually read this blog, or at least know it exists: my brother Benjy, whose birth ended my one-year experience of being an only child, and has since grown into a mature 17-year old student, artist, neighbor, and confidant; and Liora Pollick, whose birthday party I attended yesterday, and is a good Shalhevet friend. So to two scintillating Scorpios:

Happy birthday to you,
Happy birthday to you,
Happy birthday to Benjy and Liora,
Happy birthday to you!

Shabbat Shalom.

"Fa-No-Ha-So" and other fun stuff

Well, my Sukkot break is almost over. When I pointed this out to Aaron Abramson, he said "Baruch HaShem." Not exactly my sentiments about getting back to yeshiva, but it will be a bit nice to get back to the northern mountain I am curently calling home.

The last few days have involved mainly two activities: walking and seeing friends. Wednesday, my father and I spent the entire morning walking around Jerusalem, scouting out hotels and restaurants for my brother Matthew's bar mitzvah (coming this Christmas to a theater near you (if you are in Israel)). Just to whet your appetite of what's in the works, there is a hike, a pethouse (not a typo) and a Morroccan bellydancer. Stay tuned.

We then walked to The OC, where we prayed at the Kotel and did some shopping, including a wedding gift I bought for Tranchi and Berkey (I can't say what it is just yet). Dinner was the "seeing friends" part of the day. At Norman's steakhouse, ten of us ate dinner: Shalhevet graduates Max Rabin ('04), Leor Hackel, Liora Pollick, and Ruthie Glass (all '05); current Ma'aleh Gilboans Yehuda Lerea, Benjamin Epstein, and Ilan Caplan; Ohr Sameach third year student Ariel Hausman; and my father and me. We had fun, excitement, good conversation, and steak sandwiches.
And Thursday? I'm glad you asked. We went on a tiyul (trip) starting at Hadassah Ein Karem that lasted a couple of hours. Present were Americans Ilan, Benjamin, Aaron, David, Ezra; and Israelis Omer, Ro'i, Yair and Yehuda. We went swimming in wadis, hiked a lot, and I even learned a new game. I'm not sure what it was called, so I will just call it "Fa-No-Ha-So."

The object of "Fa-No-Ha-So" is to pass energy in an invisible ball. To play, all participants stand in a circle. One person starts by throwing this invisible energy ball to someone else by making eye contact, and must begin by saying "fa." The four types of actions are "fa" (right arm pointing, left hand farther behind); "no" (hands extended, left palm on back of right hand); "ha" (either hand pointed to the side); and "so" (one foot raised, one hand pointing over the head one way, the other hand across the stomach, pointing the other way). "Fa" is just a straightforward pass of energy; "no" blocks the received action back at the giver, making him go again; "ha" and "so" both pass the energy to the side (in the case of "so," to the direction of the top hand).

A player gets out by four ways: (1) by speaking quietly, with no energy; (2) by saying a word with the wrong action; (3) by faltering for too long; (4) by repeating the action that was given to you. The last player standing wins.

Okay, so I realize that this probably wasn't so fun to read; this is one of those games you need to see and try to understand. Nevertheless, it was a lot of fun, and it was worth it to record in this log.

More later.

How do you say "lightbulb" in Hebrew?

Honestly, I didn't know anyone wrote these. I don't get all of them, but they are for my friends who are at these places. Maybe that's why I don't get them all. And can anyone think of a Ma'aleh Gilboa one?

How many yeshiva boys does it take to change a light bulb? Well, that depends on who you go by: According to Rabbi Yochanan, it takes one. But accordng to Rabbi Elazar, it takes ten.

How many HaKotel guys does it take to change a lightbulb? One....To call the front desk.

How many Mevaseret guys does it take to change a lightbulb? That question wasnt on the SAT's!

How many Brovenders girls does it take to change a lightbulb? Two....b'chavruta!

How many Brovenders' girls does it take to change a light bulb? That's irrelevant; we can still do it better than the boys can.

How many Gush guys does it take to change a lightbulb? One to ask the rosh yeshiva how and one to write an 80 page halachic dissertation on changing lightbulbs in the 20th century and what Thomas Edison and the Rugitchover had in common.

How many Gush guys does it take to change a lightbulb? The Rambam doesn't hold of lightbulbs.

How man Reishit guys does it take to change a lightbulb? Why should we change it? It was Neve's fault.

How many Reishit guys does it take to change a lightbulb? Let's go find a website on lightbulbs.

How many MMY girls does it take to change a lightbulb? Who has time to learn such narishkeit?

How many MMY girls does it take to change a light bulb? Two. One to change it and one to phone Daddy for instructions.

How many KBY guys does it take to change a lightbulb? Three. One to stand guard while the other two unscrew it from a shana alef Israeli's room.

Shmini Atzeret and Simchat Torah- Together!

I realize I haven't written since Thursday, and that all the things I have done since then would have been lost in the annals of time had it not been for me stumbling upon an internet cafe on Ben Yehudah Street tonight. So, to fill you in on what I've been doing since my long Jerusalem Thursday:

Friday
Hung out a lot at the Weasleys, er, Schmeedas, since Shabbat was so close. Played basketball with 15-year-old Amitai, which is akin to "competing in a butt kicking contest against a one-legged man." I met three of the other four kids: Elisha, who is seventeen and not as loquacious as Amitai; Yehudit, who is married, pregnant, and lives in the Arab Quarter; and Moriah, who spent Shabbat working at a drug rehab center (Yaakov, the fourth, is in the army). Had Shabbat with the Schmeedas, going to the Bnei Akiva minyan which was, to my displeasure, Sefardic. Staying with the Schmeedas was Hilary's cousin Sherry (or was it Shelly?) and her husband George. On the way home, Elchanan made an interesting remark which went along the lines of "you can be with family and feel like a stranger, and you can be with friends and feel at home." He was talking about my having no family in Israel- at least, I think he was; he spoke in Hebrew.

Saturday
A lot of shuling, as is the Shabbat norm. Read my "Hitchhiker's" book and played backgammon, chess, and cards. After Shabbat, we visited Elchanan's sister in Ofra, a nearby settlement. Apart from tea in the Sukkah, it was quite uneventful. From there, we went to a Simchat Beit HaSho'evah party in Givat Zev. This was interesting, I guess, but not to me. It wasn't my kind of party at all. It was people in black hats and coats, dancing in a twisted circle to a repeated tune played by the band (piano, trumpet, clarinet) clad in the same. It was interesting not for the activity or music, but for the people. The diversity of the people there was astounding, even if they were all wearing the same black: tall and short, young and old, different beard styles, different hats, straight hair, curly hair, blond, black, gray, and white hair, and even a black person in the traditional chassid garb. Very interesting. But still, not my type of party.

Sunday
A very long day, perhaps longer than my long Thursday. Davening at 8:00, which I guess is relatively late, and then I packed and did laundry before leaving for Jerusalem. I went to Ariel Hausman, who is a student at Yeshivat Ohr Sameach on Shimon HaTzadik Street, near Shmuel HaNavi Street (if that means anything to you). Walked to the Old City, or, as I will hereafter call it, The OC. Prayed mincha at the Kotel, and ran into the newly-arrived-for-Aliyah Baichman-Kass family in the Cardo (Trivia Fact #1: The word "Cardo" means "heart" in Latin, as it was the Roman marketplace in Aelina Capetolina. Trivia Fact #2: Aelina Capetolina is the ancient Latin name for Jerusalem. Trivia Fact #3: Whenever asked what the word Cardo means, I always say "marketplace" before realizing that I know the Latin prefix, as well as that I have been corrected on this error many times previously. Whew, long parenthetical). Then we walked back to his yeshiva for Hoshana Rabba.

Now I don't know if you know this, but the night of Hoshana Rabba is a night when some people stay up all night and learn Torah. So, being at a yeshiva, in Israel, on Hoshana Rabba, I did this. I went to a few lectures, some of them good, some of them esoteric, and one of them a bit funny. This rabbi told a funny yeshiva joke, but keep in mind that it is a yeshiva joke:

Person 1: Who was the real yeshiva student, Abraham or Choni Ha'Ma'agal?
Person 2: Abraham, of course, he toured all around Israel!
Person 1: Choni, because he fell asleep for 70 years!
Person 2: Ah yes, it had to been Choni- when he woke up and saw his chevruta wasn't there, he went back to sleep!
Person 3: It couldn't have been Abraham, because he invented shacharit!
Person 1: Who invited you here, Person 3?

Something like that. Again, it's a yeshiva joke.

So, I learned until 4:30 a.m., stopping only for a personal olive pizza at 3:30 a.m. At 4:30, we walked to the Kotel for early early minyan. I thought 5:45 was early! Unfortunately, I fell asleep at the Kotel because I was tired from all the learning. So, I took a cab back to the yeshiva.

Monday
Woke up around 11 and finished my davening. Then, I took a taxi to the King Solomon hotel, where I have now stayed three times in eleven months (in November for my cousin's bar mitzvah, where we saw "Acts 4:10" written in glow-in-the-dark ink on the wall; and May, for March of the Living). Met up with my dad, and we rented a room. We went to the King David Hotel, and made dinner plans with Marty and Renee Lieberman (their son Daniel is at Resihit, and they have two daughters Janie and Nicole), my Uncle Avi's close friends who are in Israel. Walked to the Kotel for davening, which was quite nice. We ate Shmini Atzeret-Simchat Torah Dinner with them that evening. Had an interesting discussion with Renee about Americans keeping one or two days of the chag (see below). My Rosh Yeshiva, Rav Bigman, suggested that I keep one, and there are also Americans who are keeping two (we had a lecture at the yeshiva before we left). My real question, though, is one-and-a-half. I think one is okay, two is okay, if you have sources and a rabbinical authority to back it up. But isn't 1.5, while solving the halachic technicalities, just dodging the whole one vs. two issue? If you've read this far and have an opinion, let me know.

Tuesday
This is two holidays, Shmini Atzeret (praying for rain) and Simchat Torah (finishing and then restarting the Torah) wrapped up in one. Some Americans in Israel keep one, but I am keeping two, which is also valid, in some circles. I guess it depends who you ask. Walked around hotels in the King David area to look into hotel reservations for Matthew's December bar mitzvah. While walking, we ran into the tenth grade Shalhevet trip, staying at the Prima Kings Royale. Ate lunch with them, reminscing over my tenth grade trip three years ago, and catching up with chaperones Eddie "The Ed" Friedman and Roen "Shalhevet Art Teacher" Salem. It was nice, even if it was fish and chips (in Israel???). Went to the room and read the 12th Lemony Snicket book. Interesting, but odd. And after chag, came to Ben Yehudah Street. And after buying a Goofy kippah, I am now writing. So that's all for now. More soon, I hope.

Wait, one last thing:
Birthday time! Happy birthday to my cousin, Jordan Fattal (October 25th), and to Rochelle Emert (October 21st, I think, but then again, she hasn't written to me!) So:

Happy Birthday to you,
Happy Birthday to you,
Happy Birthday to Rochelle and Jordan,
Happy Birthday to you!

A long, tiring day in Jerusalem

Well, it was. In fact, I'm so tired that I will just post, in bullet points, what I did today, trying to go in chronological order:

• 5:45 a.m.– wake up for minyan at the Givat Zev synagogue. For those of you who missed that, 5:45 a.m. That's right, you probably didn't know that people were up that early.
• 8:30 a.m.– Birkat Cohanim at the Kotel. This was supposed to be cool, with thousands of priests blessing the people at the Western Wall. Except for the fact that the cantor (who calls out, word by word, the blessing that the priests repeat in their recitation) spoke over a microphone that was pretty defective, so we got something like B--ka- -oha--m.
• And on the subject of Jewish prayers- how is it that some Jews pronounce the "nu" sound as "nee"? Clearly, these are the Jews Who Say "Nee!"– I mean, how does that make sense? Or is it something I am not learned enough to understand? I thought I had this all figured out– the consonant "nun" (n sound) plus the vowelized "vav" (oo sound) makes a-- nee? I mean, imagine if I said "greats neews at the yeshiva– "we're going to have needles and tomato sauce every lunchtime, starting at neen. I kneew it!"
• 11:30 a.m.– the 11:00 meeting with Rabbi and Mrs. Goren finally happens at the Coffee Bean in Jerusalem. In attendance were Class of 2005 graduates Leor "Babyface" Hackel, Ruthie "I'm Shomer" Glass, Gabriel "LOUD!" Miller, and Moriah "Not Maria" Manning. Also showing up were Tamar Rohatiner of Shalhevet ('06), Rachel Keyes of Ra'anana ('06) and Perry Sassoon of Bar Ilan (left Shalhevet early). A great experience to see the Gorens again– she took the family back to Israel while he is Rosh Yeshiva of a new high school in San Diego.
• Lunchtime– ate with Ruthie and Leor (pizza for vegetarian Ruthie, shawarma for me and Leor). Ran into Tzippy Cohen from my summer job at JIF, and I was invited to my subsequent evening activity (see below).
• Afternoonish– visited Mevaseret-Zion, Leor's yeshiva. Interesting, interesting. Or so he told me.
• 4:30 p.m.– returned to Jerusalem; met roommate Josh Tal at Machaneh Yehudah (near the shuk on Jaffa Street) and prayed Mincha-Ma'ariv. Josh and Leor left to a concert at Beit Shemesh; I took a taxi to the Kotel that managed to take me only 2/3 of the way there. Whatever.
• 5:00 p.m. to 6:00 p.m.– walked from taxi drop-off to Kotel. Got lost in Arab shuk. Got spat on by a very irate camel. Well, not really; he said it was just an accident.
• 6:00 p.m. to 7:00 p.m.– prayed at the Western Wall, as I had already missed my planned activity, a Simchat Beit HaSho'evah party (I'm not quite sure what it is, so I'll have to wait until next Sukkot to find out). Talked to God at the Wall, then got lost in the Arab Quarter trying to find my way back to my evening activity. Got spat on by the same angry camel, but this time I think it may have been on purpose.
• 7:00 p.m. to 8:45 p.m.– attended the engagement party of Jason Venokur, one of the senior fellows at my summer job last year, JIF. I was invited by Tzippy when I ran into her at lunch. This was interesting for a few reasons: (1) everyone was dressed in button-down shirts, at least, while I was in a T-shirt and jeans, and I was the only peacock among the zebras (translation: I wore color among the black and white garb there. Okay, so I hadn't had a chance to go change, and all my button-downs are lost in the yeshiva laundry, but still); (2) the musical band consisted of a guitar, a trumpet, and a BAGPIPE!; (3) there was, oddly enough, no food; (4) through a faulty faucet, my pants were drenched in water for a good amount of time (see Rosh Hashana for deja vu), and (5) I only knew two people there. But it was fun, I think; one of the speakers became only the second person I know to use the phrase "don't kill the messenger" in serious context. He also used the phrase "poison Ivy League," but that didn't make much sense.
• To get back to Givat Zev, I took a taxi. It was hard to find one because of the whole Simchat Beit HaSho'evah thing slowing down traffic, but I found one eventually. Unfortunately, it was on the hill before the Dung Gate, and it took 15 minutes to get off the hill. And, then we got lost in Givat Zev itself, trying to find the street address (73 HaMakabim). But I'm here now, and it's time to go to sleep. Yawn. Hopefully, there's no 5:45 wakeup tomorrow. 5:45 a.m.! Just checking to make sure you're still reading.

Wow, I wrote much more than I intended.

Jerusalem, City of... Cold?

Well, I'm back in Jerusalem after spending the first two days of Sukkot in Kochav Yair. Some of the highlights at the Dolgins, where I stayed, include a spinach lasagna, walking to shul and getting there right as it ended, sukkot dinner with an elderly right-wing Christian couple, and watching Albert Pujols' two-out, ninth-inning game-winning homerun off the nearly-unhittable Brad Lidge to win Game 5 of the NLCS and send the series back to St. Louis. That was baseball, for those of you who didn't catch that. Postseason dramatics, and all that.

And now, I'm back in Jerusalem, after taking the 749 bus from Ra'anana Junction to Jerusalem. On the way to my new hosts, we stopped at the Grave of Samuel the Prophet, which is somewhere by Givat Zev, wherever that is. All I know is that it was on a hill. It was a nice view of Jerusalem, but I somehow did not fully appreciate it, because (a) it was nighttime, (b) it was really really foggy, and (c) it was really really cold and windy. Did I mention that it was raining a lot too? Well, it was raining a lot, so there. And me, forgetting my sweater.

I am currently staying with the Shmeeda family in Givat Zev. I cannot remember how many children Elchanan and Hilary have, but they are all redheads. Only the youngest, Amitai, is home, and he is watching "a nice movie" on his laptop. We are currently in the middle of preparing dinner, so I gotta run. But I will leave you with an email, a Shalhevet update from one of my teachers. Enjoy- I always do when the Pizzle, aka Michael John Petrella, speaks.

Howdy Yoni!

Well, I have returned from the gym...huzzah!
Another year is well under way at the Magic Kingdom. The juniors have turned into seniors, full of vim and vigor. Your brother, who is one of my advisees, has taken to growing a goatee. It's the best goatee in the senior class, which of course means Allison could still beat up any of the boys.
What else? Roni, Shie and Melville continue to engage me in a battle of wits, which is akin to running an obstacle course against Helen Keller or competing in a butt kicking contest against a one-legged man, whichever in funnier!
We had a long discussion in Town Hall about either dress code or campus cleanliness; it's really hard to distinguish between the two!
And my new refrigerator is fabulous!
So life in our desert remains strangely the same; only the actors have changed!
It is now time to go prepare dinner and ponder the deeper meaning of things: will Commander Adama of the Battlestar Galactica be able to outwit his archrival, Commander Cain of the Battlestar Pegasus and what is that mysterious Cylon ship approaching the fleet?
Questions, questions.

Victory, as always, is mine!
MJP

The Holy Citron Fruit

Well, Sukkot is here. And as you may or may not know, there are two key parts to Sukkot: the sitting in a sukkah (or tabernacle, which is a temporary house with three walls and a ceiling of leaves) and the waving of the four species. The four species, as described by the Torah, are "the fruit of a goodly tree, branches of palm-trees, and boughs of thick trees, and willows of the brooks" (Leviticus 23:40). The four species are a citron, a small, lemon-like fruit; palm branches; three myrtle branches; and two willow branches. Usually sold as a set. I got mine through Jose Rosenfeld for NIS 100; I just didn't realize that my four species set only included three. I bought my willow the next day from a street merchant (apparently, selling the easily-drying willow separately is common practice in Israel). But at least I have all four.

I opened my lulav just before the chag started, and was surprised to see how dead it looked, all brown and shriveled. When Jose asked me if I wanted M'hadar M'Hadrin (very nice, I think), I just told him I wanted a reasonably priced one. Not a dead one. And my aravot (willow branches) are also looking dry. I didn't realize there are only two types of lulav sets: expensive, and dead. The myrtle looked nice and fresh. Then I looked at the etrog. I wasn't quite sure what to do with it, so I asked a local rabbi. The following is an excerpt of that conversation:

ME:
How does it, um-- how does it work?

A LOCAL PASSERBY:
I know not, my liege.

ME:
Consult the Book of Shwarmaments!

RABBI MAYNARDSTEIN:
Shwarmaments, chapter two, verses nine to twenty-one.

GABBAI:
And Rav Attila Shlita raised the citron up on high, saying, 'O Lord, bless Thy citron that, with it, we mayest bless the Feast of Tabernacles in Thy mercy.' And the Lord did grin, and the people did feast upon the lambs and borscht and carp and anchovies and gefilte fish and breakfast cereals and fruit rolls and large chu--

RABBI MAYNARDSTEIN:
Skip a bit, gabbai.

GABBAI:
And the Lord spake, saying, 'First shalt thou not take out the Holy Pitom. Then, thou shall shake it six times. No more. No less. Six shall be the number thou shalt shake, and the number of the shaking shall be six. Seven shalt thou not shake, nor either shake thou five, excepting that thou then proceed to six. Eight is right out. Once the number six, being the sixth number be reached, then, carriest thou thy lulav towards thy bima to perform Hakafot.'

That's the last time I go to that shul for advice.

Jerusalem Recap

Well, my time in Jerusalem certainly has been exciting. Sunday was a lot of fun: I walked to Emek Refaim for lunch (Burger's Bar) and a haircut (the name of the barbershop was none too memorable). Then, after a refreshing nap and some Sudoku, I walked back to Emek Refaim.

Emek Refaim at night shocked me. It was like, totally American! Everywhere I looked, I saw American students, heard American accents, saw American fashion... quite a change of scenery from my isolated Mt. Gilboa, where everything is Israeli and we Americans are considered the exceptions. On the Emek, though, Americanism reigns supreme. Whereas I conducted my morning ventures almost completely in Hebrew (I wasn't quite sure how to say condiments), shopkeepers addressed me in English, figuring I was an American too. I think what Jason said (see Oct. 14 entry) about Jerusalem being "mini America" holds some truth. If not for all the New York accents, I could have believed I was standing on an extension of the Jewish part of Pico Blvd.

Anyway, I met Liora Pollick, currently at Michlelet Lindebaum a.k.a. Brovender's, on the Emek at Cafe Hillel. It was great to talk to a girl, a close friend, from the Shalhevet Class of 2005 (the first person from Shalhevet I have met since coming to Israel). Over hot drinks (or drink, as I had a hot chocolate, and she insisted she was not thirsty), we discussed yeshiva/michlelet life, missing home, friends, family, Shalhevet, Judaism, life, and roommates. It is certainly great to talk to someone from back home.

Today, Monday morning, I took my computer to a store to get fixed. The mechanic, Dov, told me that the screen problem could cost about $100, or perhaps require a new computer altogether. Ouch. And later, I am getting on the 749 bus to Kochav Yair, back to the Dolgins' for the first days of Sukkot.

Since this is a retroactive blog entry, and I know that I did not have enough time to write an entry when I got to the Dolgins before the holiday, I will publish this entry with Monday's date, instead of today's actual date, Tuesday night (I like this technology). But I will nonetheless wish you a happy Sukkot holiday, as if this is Monday, before the chag. Chag Sameach!

100 things I miss about home

I miss when 7:30 a.m. was early, and 5:00 p.m. was late.
I miss Happy Minyan.
I miss Berkey and Tranchi and Lux and Petrella and Vered and Rabbis Parry and Richler.
I miss AP Calculus BC– perhaps my favorite Shalhevet class.
I miss Town Hall… sometimes.
I miss Jane Austen and “Pride and Prejudice”… not!
I miss summer learning with Rabbi Parry.
I miss co-ed schooling.
I miss learning math and science and English and history.
I miss tutoring.
I miss my Shabbat breakfast of bagel and tuna and barbeque chips and orange juice.
I miss Bnai David-Judea.
I miss Rabbi Kanefsky.
I miss Rechov Yeladim.
I miss Joey’s Gym on the High Holidays.
I miss playing Go Rummy and snack time and Mitzvah tickets with my first graders.
I miss Sharfman and Roni and Natan.
I miss “Donde Esta Spot?”
I miss my Rechov Yeladim paycheck.
I even miss Ziva.
I miss Kiddush in the Gold Room.
I miss crashing Teen Minyan to steal cholent.
I miss my swimming pool.
I miss my Shabbat afternoon basketball.
I miss Talya’s house.
I miss playing Taboo and Wit’s End and Charades.
I miss Saturday Night Live.
I miss television.
I miss “Seinfeld.”
I miss SportsCenter.
I miss sports not called soccer.
I miss Sundays being football days.
I miss the Dodgers and Clippers and Lakers and LA Sports.
I miss drama, and playwriting.
I miss newspaper, and the leadership.
I miss cartooning.
I miss my big dinners and small lunches.
I miss my Shabbat chicken soup.
I miss privacy.
I miss my room and my computer.
I miss my bed, which fit me.
I miss sleeping soundly.
I miss English as the lingua franca.
I miss being able to use my driver’s license.
I miss Pico Blvd.
I miss the variety of Kosher restaurants– Pico Deli, Nagila, Chick ‘n’ Chow, Jeff’s, and Pizza Station.
I miss sushi.
I miss Circle Park.
I miss Beverlywood.
I miss the LA Times.
I miss my Sunday crossword and the comics and reading in the morning.
I miss my shower.
I miss the racial, ethnic, religious, and cultural variety that is America.
I miss toaster waffles.
I miss Special K with strawberries.
I miss when Israeli salad was a side dish.
I miss cars with legroom.
I miss cleaning wet floors with mops, not squeegees.
I miss American politics.
I miss Bush…isms.
I miss elevators.
I miss elevator music… well, not really.
I miss Sunday being part of the weekend.
I miss the perfect weather that is LA.
I miss the size and greatness of LA.
I miss my functioning air conditioner.
I miss Artscroll.
I miss variety at dinnertime.
I miss 110-volt electricity.
I miss talking to people face to face instead of email or phone calls.
I miss when I didn’t have to nap every day.
I miss quiet reading time Friday night and Saturday afternoon.
I miss learning in English.
I miss participating, and having something to say.
I miss going to the movies.
I miss the Grove, even if it is ugly.
I miss my English library.
I miss carpeting.
I miss being the only one at school with facial hair.
I miss showing off my Fu Manchu, goatee, and crazy Purim half-beard.
I miss celebrating Labor Day and Columbus Day and other National Holidays.
I’m pretty sure I will miss Thanksgiving.
I miss my homemade desserts.
I miss Ralph’s and Blockbuster.
I miss not feeling tired.
I miss seeing Washington and Lincoln and Jackson on my money.
I miss going to a night time party, and not having it come to me.
I miss my LA friends.
I miss the Class of 2005.
I miss my AP Chem/Biology study groups with Leor and Liora and Ari.
I miss drama with Leor and Landau and Ruthie and Grossman.
I miss backstage.
I miss my fan club.
I miss my family.
I miss holidays with the family.
I miss “it tastes like cake!” whenever Golda is around.
I miss my dog.
I miss being the oldest brother.
I miss Benjy and Daniel and Matthew and Adam/Fred/Jeff.
I miss Mom and Dad.

ALEPH DELTA MAO

Well, I figured that I might as well let you in on the secret of ALEPH DELTA MAO. Well, it's not really a secret, actually; the sign (above) is posted on our door.

ALEPH DELTA MAO is a fraternity, founded by me and my roommates on the first night in our room. The name comes from fraternity language, where there are three Greek letters in a row, usually not actually meaning anything (or do they? Do Upsilon Pi Sigmas at one place know other UPS's? Or maybe my package deliverers are all part of a secret society...). But, of course, with a twist: we included letters from different languages. The ALEPH, of course, comes from Hebrew. The DELTA comes from the ancient Greek airliner. And the MAO... well, Jammin', who was sleeping in our room that first night, chose a Chinese symbol from a coin he had and included it. I don't think it's actually called a "MAO;" just with none of us knowing Chinese, we erroneously named it after of the fourth Chinese thing we could think of: Chairman Mao Zedung (the first thing we thought of was the Great Wall, the second was Peking Duck, and the third NBA center Yao Ming).

Some fun facts about ALEPH DELTA MAO:

1. ALEPH DELTA MAO has three Founding Members: me, Josh, and Ilan. Jammin' is one of two Honorary Members because he slept in our room the first night; Micah is the other because he took the photos of the toga party (see pictures).
2. ALEPH DELTA MAO headquarters is our room, Room 8.
3. One key feature of ALEPH DELTA MAO headquarters is the rug that ties the room together, as stated explicitly by the Dude: "That rug really tied the room together."
4. ALEPH DELTA MAO has a special salute: first, the formation of an ALEPH by crossing both arms over the torso, with both fists firmly upon the pectoral region; second, the formation of a DELTA by creating a triangle above the saluter's head (the hands are now open); and the final MAO, by which the saluter brings both hands (now fisted) to either side of his head, as if lifting dumbells. Note that the fists may not exceed the height of the saluters head. For a clearer illustration, see photo.
5. All members must be attending Ma'aleh Gilboa. But special exceptions can be made for non-Gilboans (or non-Gilboites? Or non-Gilboians?). Bribes can often help. Applications for future members will be posted soon.
6. All new members, Honorary or otherwise, must pass an initiation test of perseverance, faith, physical ability, and/or naming the fifty US capitols. Specifications of individual initiations varies, according to the rule, whim, and mindset of the Founding Members at a particular moment.
7. All members are required to shower at least once a week. Failure to do so will result in foul smells and odors of the individual in question, and removal from ALEPH DELTA MAO until shower/Founders' discretion.
8. All members must love the almighty cucumber "with all your heart and all your soul and all your might." (Note: members may replace "cucumber" in this rule with "chocolate," at the approval of the Founding Members.)
9. ACTIVITIES: So far, ALEPH DELTA MAO hasn't actually done anything. Well, we did have a wild toga party. Okay, so all we did was wear togas one night and be photographed by Honorary Member Micah. And we have been talking about a prank, and about shaving David Mayer-Deutsch one night while he's sleeping. But mostly, it's just a connection between yeshiva students. But if you do have a suggested activity, let us know.
10. Edna, a character from Pixar's "The Incredibles," is part of ALEPH DELTA MAO. We found a poster of her on our wall on the first night, and she's still there. We have absolutely no idea why she's there. She's not really a member... is she a mascot? A symbol? A poster child? Whatever. She's Edna, she's on our wall, and she's staying there.

Questions? Comments? Suggestions? Complaints (thought I can't imagine why)? Call the Israeli number 057-730-5262. Ask for Audrey, then Yoni.

Averick Maverick

(Okay, so that title was just because nothing rhymes with "Rosenfeld.")

I am spending the weekend with the Rosenfeld-Averick family. It was here, in Jerusalem, that we enjoyed Jose's famous cholent and fruit soup in visits past. This time, we had honeydew and pomegranate and chicken and soup that did not at all make me miss yeshiva food.

It was nice: Sara Averick and Jose Rosenfeld and crew: Nechemiah (turned 16 today, made me an omelet for dinner), Elisheva (14, just had nine pins removed from her surgically-repaired leg), Avital (13, wears a sweater indoors because she sits right under the air conditioner) and Yehudit (11, and I taught her how to play Sudoku). On the Shabbat itself, I read my "Hitchhiker's" book, went to a shtieblach (exact definition unknown, many wisened scholars translate it as "a whale's –"), where I prayed, and relaxed. Which is good, for a shabbat.

It's late, so I'll save my longer article for another time. Tomorrow, maybe (and no, it's not about ALEPH DELTA MAO). More tomorrow.

Oh, and one more thing: I added ten more pictures from my camera to old entries. Find 'em if you want. It'll give you yet another reason to review my past posts. Or maybe a first reason. But hopefully not. Okay, sleep time, ciao.

Americans!: Ilan and Josh

Lastly, my two American roommates:

Name: Ilan Caplan
DOB: March 24, 1987
From: Caldwell, New Jersey
High School: Rae Kushner Yeshiva High School
College: Harvard
Favorite flavor of pie: Cutie
In his own words:
“It is sides of life I’ve never seen before in the guise of everything I’ve already done and would like to move on from. Things are getting more exciting. Chaos reigns alongside boredom, and slowly the two merge into contentment, almost. Lots to talk, to do, to become.”

Name: Josh Tal
DOB: August 26, 1987
From: Los Angeles, California
High School: YOLA (formerly YULA)
College: McGill
Favorite kitchen appliance: Egg cutter: giving hope to eggs and oval-shaped objects everywhere
In his own words:
“I have no sorts of imagination when it comes to understanding the beginnings of the other’s frames of mind. I would not let Yoni’s constant pessimism damper the beautiful rays of light as they radiate from an unexpected mountain on the ridge of Emek Yizrael and into the minds and souls of myself and the world around me. I can’t help but feeling this place will make a difference. They will pull the wool out from our eyes to clarify as to what Judaism is and what a beautiful world it cultivates. Your eyebrow lifts, your nose scrunches slightly to the left, your heart palpitates at the pace of a marathon runner’s breath, a controlled breath keeping back the onset of a dying grasp of life. And you ask, just as a young lad peeks out at the last page of his novel to be certain his hero lives. You ask, ‘What is this clarity? What is the heart of the storm?!’…
The answer lies, not in the stringencies, nor in the leniencies, but in the system and its grasp for the infinite.”

These are the two people I knew before I got here. Ilan I met on Genesis, a summer program at Brandeis University in the summer of 2004 (note: Ezra went there the previous year). We were roommates there too. Well, actually, here Ilan is sleeping on the roof, at least for now, while the weather allows it. He is very wise, going to Harvard and all; he knows many Jewish things, and wears a beret. His father is a cantor, so Ilan is very musical. He has a great sense of humor (we did improv at Genesis, though doing the same here, in Hebrew, might take a little time).

Josh I knew from YOLA, my archrival school. I knew him when he came to Shalhevet in senior year (he was dating Amanda Gelb at the time). He is an optimist, but sleeps in the room, unlike Ilan. We both enjoy sleeping late and the air conditioner (two things Ilan dislikes, which may explain the whole roof thing). He is the messy one in the room; his belongings are dispersed farther than the Ten Lost Tribes, or something like that. He likes learning, but we have different styles; we found that out when he tried for an hour to explain one sentence to me in gmara. Needless to say, we are no longer gmara chevrutas.

Oh, and one more thing: Ilan and Josh are, along with me, the Founding Members (along with Honorary Members Micah and Jammin') of
ALEPH DELTA MAO.
More on that later.

For now, I'm exhausted from all those bios. I'm currently at the Averick-Rosenfeld house for Shabbat in Jerusalem. Shabbat Shalom, for now.

Americans! Micah and Adam

Two more:

Name: Micah Koplow
DOB: April 24, 1987
From: Newton, Massachusetts
High School: Maimonidies
College: University of Maryland
Favorite color: bicycle
In his own words:
“Contrary to the custom of most yeshivot, Ma’aleh Gilboa has no prevailing dogma. In fact, it has no dogma at all. It would probably be truest to say that Yeshivat Ma’aleh Gilboa encourages a personal mindset, that is to say, opinions of one’s own, based on research and tradition. Keeping in line with this philosophy, none of the shiurim are mandatory and one is encouraged to learn subjects of personal interest on their own. Among the topics being studied are Kabbalah, Mishna, Jewish Philosophy, and the New Testament. The freedom is invigorating and most of us couldn’t be happier anywhere else.”

Name: Adam Weiler
DOB: April 13, 1986
From: Maybe Boston, I moved around a bit
High School: Ramaz
College: Undecided
Favorite author(s): Italo Calvino, Kurt Vonnegut Jr., Mark Twain, Sylvia Plath, Roald Dahl
In his own words:
“After a month or so at Ma’aleh Gilboa I find myself very enthusiastic about this place, which is a big thing for me because I am very cynical. I like the teachers, the kids and the intellectual openness. Learning in the Beit Midrash is very fun. The only complaint is the sameness of the food. But besides that Ma’aleh Gilboa is very cool.”

Micah is very Boston: he likes the Red Sox, talks with a tinge of the famous accent, and uses expressions only a Bostonian would use. We share an appreciation of sarcasm and dry humor (he recommended Adams' "The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy," which I am enjoying immensely) and playing backgammon (I am leading the series 28-21). We watch movies occasionally on his computer ("The Big Lebowski" and "That '70s Show") and play frisbee. We learned Kohelet (Ecclesiastes) together, and are currently engrossed in Mishlei (Proverbs). He is the other Honorary Member of... erm... change the subject... oh yeah, Adam...

Adam is the oldest kid here. He talks with a bit of lisp, but he is always more than happy to repeat for you to get his idea across. He moves around a lot; his parents, actually, are in Israel for the year, so he goes home every other weekend. He graduated from Ramaz, where I'm told he had throwing knives (see picture, although that is a cutting knife for cucumbers) and had pet ferrets. He writes poetry and has his own blog. Is currently learning the story of Cain and Abel in greater detail.

All that's left is my roommates, so bear with me.

Americans!: Yehuda and Benjamin

Let's keep 'em coming:

Name: Yehuda Lerea
DOB: January 22, 1987
From: The Bronx, New York
High School: Ramaz
College: Yeshiva University
Favorite TV show when he was a kid: "Batman"
In his own words:
“The people are great, the Hebrew is tough, and the place is beautiful. Sick of pasta and cucumbers but staying healthy. Learning gmara , Tanach, and never hearing a car honk. Listening to Miles Davis and Shlomo Artzi. Basically, always smiling!"

Name: Benjamin Ezra Epstein
DOB: September 18, 1987
From: Dallas, Texas
High School: Yavneh Academy of Dallas
College: Washington University in St. Louis
Favorite musician: Tom Lehrer
In his own words:
“Ma’aleh Gilboa is amazing– it’s hard to argue with much of anything here! Actually, at least in the Beit Midrash, I can argue with anything– which is why I love this place. Although the food tends to seem like just variations on a theme, nothing beats the variety of people here! I am very happy with the challenges and experiences of Ma’aleh Gilboa. I couldn’t ask for much better!

Yehuda loves Ace Ventura, frequently quoting lines such as "Bumblebee tuna!" and "Aaaaaaallrighty then!" He also enjoys Pink Floyd, and his cell phone represents a mixture of these two loves: the background is Ace, and the ringtone is Pink Floyd's "Money." He is a member of both my fantasy football and basketball pools, and also plays real basketball and frisbee. We enjoy making fun of things, and as you might guess, making fun of things is my national pastime.

Benjamin goes by the nickname "Jammin'," which is perhaps the coolest nickname ever for Benjamin (Ben, Benny, Benjy, Benji, Bengie, Enjam). He has absolutely no trace of a Texan accent, but sounds kinda like Kermit the Frog. One of the nicest guys here. Likes and understands computers and iPods, and has fixed both of mine. Slept in my room on the first night because of rooming confusion (now is in his own room), and my work buddy during Gaza gruntwork. His mom posted on my blog. He is one of two Honorary Members of... oops, I'll tell you later what that is. Ignore that last line. Change the subject, change the subject...uhh... cucumbers!

Americans!: Ezra and David

Two more Americans for your... viewing pleasure? I guess...

Name: Ezra Fishman
DOB: July 12, 1987
From: Chevy Chase, Maryland
High School: Berman Hebrew Academy (formerly HAGWASH- Hebrew Academy of Greater Washington)
College: Brandeis
Favorite salad dressing: fat-free Italian
In his own words:
“I am pleased with my yeshiva experience because the learning is serious and my peers are of high quality. I am constantly intellectually stimulated with the learning here and always impressed with the caliber of the teachers. The students also have proven bright and motivated. I feel comfortable in the environment and am making progress on my goals. This is an open-minded, serious, spiritual place.”

Name: David Mayer-Deutsch
DOB: April 11, 1987
From: Danbury, Connecticut
High School: Manhattan Torah Academy (MTA)
College: Cooper Union
Favorite movie: "Fight Club"
In his own words:
“The best things about yeshiva are: sleeping on the roof, looking at the mountains of the Jordan, Breakfast, Lunch, Dinner, Rav Bigman Rav Yehuda and Rav Elisha’s different ways of being left wing, the Rosemary, the bags of milk, pomegranate trees, the ma’ayanot [springs], the internet, Aryeh, and TORAH!”

Well, Ezra and David. Ezra comes from Maryland, near DC. He comes from a conservative synagogue, and sometimes grapples with the Talmud and Judaism as manifested here. He wears a lot of basketball shirts. His nickname is Ezra the Scribe because he writes perfectly legible notes for everything. Actually, that's not really his nickname, but it fits. He is one of the only people who does not wear white on Shabbat (he wears gray).

David has a very excellent birthday, but was born at night and thus has a different Hebrew birthday than yours truly (I am the 12th of Nissan, he is the 13th). He is one of two Americans who sleeps on the roof, and the only one who mixes all of the breakfast foods together into one bowl (see picture) before eating them; methinks he has already lost his tastebuds. Hehe, I just said "methinks." I'm not quite sure who Aryeh is; there is an American older student named Aryeh, but he hasn't been here for weeks. There is a rumor going around that we are going to shave his poofy hair; admittedly, I started that rumor, but it's still fun.

Americans!: Jason and Marans

Well, two more Americans for you:
Name: Jason Ast
DOB: February 5, 1988
From: St. Louis, Missouri
High School: University City High
College: Yeshiva University
Favorite style of eggs: [left empty]
In his own words:
“Yeshiva is good, the ramim [rabbis] are great especially Biggy [Rav Bigman]. Dorms are sweet and so is the area. The kids are cool and best of all I am not stuck in mini America on Emek Rephaim or Ben Yehuda and I can speak Hebrew. Food… I am never eating pasta or Israeli salad or eggs and cottage again.”

Name: Daniel Marans
DOB: July 12, 1987
From: Teaneck, New Jersey
High School: Ramaz
College: Johns Hopkins
Least favorite vegetable: sweet potato
In his own words:
“When I’m actually in Yeshiva, it’s been treating me well. Other than that I enjoy hitchhiking around Israel, booze, and girls. I’m hoping to flip out some time after Yom Kippur, so contact me while I’m still fun to be around.”

Well, there you have it. Jason, a religious Jew from a mostly black public school (some of his classmates were Tone-E and Antoinette), left after junior year to come to Israel. Whenever we are trying to get all the Americans together, the first person identified as missing is Jason. And he usually is. He is sometimes in classes, but is more frequently found in his boxer shorts around the dorms, or hitchhiking with Israelis. He is a founding member of the Cholent Club, and says "sababa" a lot.

And as for Marans? He's loud, a skill he uses to make his points heard (he was also on Model UN). Marans is very social with Israelis, and has many chevrutas with them (something I am still working on). When I mentioned in passing that I never see him in the Beit Midrash, he assured me that he was there. Maybe we have different hours, or I just kept missing him. Whatever the case, I now see him more often, learning. One of my most...vivid anecdotes regarding Marans: one time he came up to my room for the only time and said hi. He then proceeded to leave a... surprise in our bathroom, stinking it up. I mean, come on. Who does that to someone?

Americans!: Aaron and David Zvi

Well, even though my computer is still acting a bit screwy (that I am having trouble reading the words and icons on the screen), and that there is still no wireless in our rooms as was promised months ago, and that I don't have the proper cable to hook up my computer to the internet, I am nevertheless in the Beit Midrash on my laptop, with a borrowed internet cable, online. And that means that I am able to begin publishing some of my photos!

I am still playing around with a couple of ideas, such as (a) to go back to previous entries and post photos from then; (b) if I should create a photo collection online somewhere, somehow; (c) change the clever rabbi lookalikes (or maybe just add the real pictures). And if you have any solutions to these issues, just write me a comment. However, I am able to start introducing you, as promised, to the Americans. I gave all the Americans some questions, and here's what I got back:

Name: Aaron Abramson
DOB: January 31, 1987
From: Toronto, Canada
High School: Community Hebrew Academy of Toronto
College: York University
Favorite Sports Team: Toronto Maple Leafs

In his own words:
ל"עץ חיים היא למחזיקים בה" (משלי ג':יח)ל Yeshiva is the opportunity to take hold of this tree of life and learn its ways. The concept is amazing as is the true application. Some might consider this taking a year off to stam learn some stuff, but that is an untrue statement. It’s a year on to learn how to live life the way we are supposed to.”

* The Hebrew means “It is a tree of life to those who hold to it.” (Proverbs 3:18)

Name: David Zvi Epstein
DOB: July 16, 1987
From: Toronto, Canada
High School: Yeshivat Bnei Akiva Or Chaim
College: Unsure
Scariest Animal: Adam Weiler
In his own words:
“So far, yeshiva has been a perfect mix of challenges and learning environments. The Hebrew barrier forces me to try harder to succeed, and I know that in this yeshiva specifically the rewards of fully understanding all the Torah that goes on here is immense. Therefore, I am endeavoring to integrate myself academically, socially, and gastronomically. I give good odds to the first two.”

So there you have it. The two Canadians, who incidentally were next-door neighbors. Both are dedicated learners, Aaron learning by himself a lot and David Zvi, who is a Cohen, learning a lot too, but in a few more groups. Aaron is one of those in charge of providing the Beit Midrash bisquits, the yeshiva snack while learning, and David Zvi tells jokes that are only funny in Canada (including the memorable and oft-ridiculed one-liner "Magenta Pig!" ?????).

Enjoy the Canadians, because from here on out, the rest of the entries come from the good ol' U.S. of A.

Erev Vacation

Well, the Day of Atonement has passed. Since the fast started at 4:38 and went to 5:45, davenning consumed most of the day; I think the break between Mussaf and Mincha was, oh, 45 minutes. No nap for me. And other than the praying, there was the praying. I kinda missed Jordan Lurie's emotional Ne'illah and Josh Sharfman's booming baritone Kol Nidre (though I cannot say I miss his mustache; there is a guy here whose theme song should be "I am the Walrus"). Also met my host family for the break-fast; Shloimie and Galit and their kids Matan (2) and Tal (6 months).

And tomorrow, it's off to vacation. Away from Ma'aleh Gilboa for a few nice weeks (until October 30th). So until then, hope everyone has a nice Sukkot break. Hopefully, I will have some sort of internet access during the break. If not... well, see you the 30th.

Yom Kippur

Hey all,
The internet inconveniently went down yesterday, so I'm using the only computer here with internet, and naturally, there was quite a wait. But just wanted to wish everyone a safe and meaningful Yom Kippur, that your fast goes well and that you get meaning out of the day.

Additionally, if I have hurt you in any way, physcially or mentally or emotionally, intentionally or unintentionally, with malice or in misguided jest, I sincerely ask your forgiveness. I would call you, but time is running out. Gotta go eat now; fast goes from 4:50-6:00 (approx.)

Gmar Tov,
Yoni Bain

*!אני יכול לכתוב במחשב בעברית

Have you missed me? Admit it, you've probably been unsure what to do without my daily blog. Well, get used to it. There will be days when I don't write, and with the Sukkot break coming up, it is uncertain if I will have access to an internet computer, or how often.

That said, the reason I have not been writing the past two days is that I have been trying to hook up my laptop to the Beit Midrash computer. I was attempting to upload some photos, but that proved unsuccessful because my computer malfunctions sometimes (the computer I am using now is the yeshiva's, not mine). This is not good. I was trying to upload photos of the Americans, and publish with each photo a little bio. But since I cannot, I guess I will instead tell you a bit about my boring day.

Let's see... had a stomachache, had some classes cancelled, learned about Yom Kippur, read some Mishlei (Proverbs), and learned some gmara with my B'Kiyut chevruta, Eitan. Ate my twice-daily cucumber and cheese, napped, and had a class with Rav Gilad. And that's it; with Yom Kippur so close, we are not on a regular schedule.

When I get my pictures up, things will get more interesting. Until then, that's it.

*In English, this translates to "I am able to write on the computer in Hebrew!" Neat, huh? And while I have your attention down here, and since nothing is happening without my pictures being uploaded...
Who saw that 18-inning Braves-Astros baseball game? Obviously, I didn't, but that has the making of baseball playoff history. That ranks up there with Braves-Twins World Series Game 7 (1991), Red Sox-Yankees ALCS Game 7s (2003, '04), Dodgers-Oakland World Series Game 1 (1988), and Joe Carter's walk-off homerun to win the World Series (Blue Jays-Phillies, 1992). And those are all in my lifetime. Must have been great baseball. Great performances by Ausmus, Clemens, Burke, Berkman, and both bullpens. God I miss baseball.

Shabbat Recap and Learning Content

So, Shabbat is over. We had an interesting time, praying and sleeping and whatnot. I started Douglas Adams' "The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy," which is an interesting book. Cholent II was excellent, even better than Cholent I. Played some backgammon, and I've heard that someone is showing the film "Dodgeball" tonight. So, either that or basketball, hopefully. And... that's it. Hope everyone has a relaxing and meaningful shabbat.

Over the past couple of entries, I have been describing the teachers, the daily life, and some activities. But I have yet to go into details about what I am actually learning. So since I have nothing that interesting to write about now, I'll tell you about the Torah wisdom I am currently accumulating:

Gmara B'Iyun: learning the eighth chapter of Sanhedrin, in the Order of Nezikin*. This chapter deals with ben sorer u'moreh, the wayward and rebellious son who is executed. It is written that this case never happened and never will, but we are still learning it. So far, we have learned how old he must be to be eligible (13 to 13-and-3-months), what he has to do (not listen to his parents by stealing food from them), and deducing if it is possible for an eight-year-old to have children by doing the math for biblical stories of Abraham, Noah, and Bathsheba (don't ask). We are going slow, so I'm learning some Talmudic skills. I have not yet found a chevruta, so I haven't really found a rhythm yet. But the shiur with Rav Yitzchak is great.
Gmara B'Kiyut: learning the sixth chapter of Bava Metziah, also in the Order of Nezikin. This book deals with monetary laws, this chapter specifically with contractual obligations. I'm learning this with Eitan Rubenstein, my mail-order chevruta from Harvard (class of '05). I'm learning gmara skills here too.
Other classes: I'm taking other classes too, but they don't meet as often. They include "Halacha and Reason" with Rav Elisha; "Torah and Science" with Rav Yitzchak; Parshat HaShavua (the weekly Torah reading) with Rav Yossi; the American lecture with Rav Bigman; b'kiyut Tanach and Exodus with Chezi; and an introduction to Chasidut with Rav Zevik.

More later.

*There are seven orders to the gmara: zera'im (literally "seeds," deals with agricultural laws and blessings); mo'ed (literally "times," deals with holidays); nashim (literally "women," deals with marriage and divorce); nezikin (literally "damages," deals with monetary and property laws); kedoshim (literally "holies," deals with holiness, I guess); taharot (literally "purities," deals with family and national purity); and The Order of the Phoenix. Well, not really the last one, so I guess there are only six orders to the gmara.

"It's the most wonderful time of the week"

Yes, it's back again! By popular demand, that seventh day when work stops, singing and dancing increases, and food taste decreases... it's the (drumroll please)
Sabbath!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Huzzah! And as for today's entry (not to be confused with today's entree, which will undoubtedly be bland chicken), I present, as I promised in a previous entry, the sample
Sabbath Schedule!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
(note: describes the Shabbat of October 7, but the mold is the same for all Shabbats)

Start of Shabbat: 5:45 p.m. / End of Shabbat: 6:53 p.m.
Rabbis in charge of speechmaking and saying kiddush at meals: Rav Bigman and Rav Benny

Friday
3:00 p.m.- clean up dorms.
5:45 p.m.- the Song of Songs is read, and the Mincha, Kabbalat Shabbat and Ma'ariv services conducted, usually with singing involved. Singing is contagious in the Beit Midrash; my headache, on the other hand, is not.
7:30ish p.m.- dinner. For some reason, I find the daily lunches tastier and in more abundance than the Shabbat meals.
9:30ish p.m.- tish, which is even more singing and dancing and dvar torahs and food and singing after dinner. Or, a great time to hang out with friends.

Saturday
8:00 a.m.- Shacharit. It's later than normal, but I'm as tired as usual.
10:00ish a.m.- kiddush outside the Beit Midrash, featuring pastries of all shapes and sizes (note: here, "all shapes and sizes" refer to three varieties of rugelach). This 15-minute interlude is followed by a 15-minute speech, which is a good time to catch up on some sleep.
12:30ish p.m.- after the dancing is over, Shabbat lunch is served. The food is basically the same. However, I, along with a few other Americans, proceed to the dorms to partake in the cholent we cooked. It's basically meat, potatoes, barley, onion soup mix, and a few secret spices. There are four founding members, and we have a salute. The cholents are named like Super Bowls, so tomorrow will be Cholent II.
1:15ish p.m.- rest time, used for napping, throwing a frisbee, or chess tournaments (I was a commentator, which everyone else thought was hilarious. I have to admit, I was quite funny. Then again, what else should anyone expect?)
4:00 p.m.- the Mincha service, followed by seder time to prepare for...
5:00 p.m.- lectures, usually one of two choices.
6:00 p.m.- seudah shlishit, the third and final meal of the Sabbath. It is very similar to the weekday breakfast/dinner, but served with cole slaw and tuna. We also get dessert: chocolate pudding!
6:16 p.m.- sunset, followed by Ma'ariv to conclude the Shabbat.

And for those of you who are curious about the Out Shabbat schedule:
Friday
5:00 a.m.- Wake up.
6:00 a.m.- Shacharit with the kibbutz.
7:10 a.m.- Van full of Americans leave for Jerusalem.
9:30ish a.m.- Van full of Americans arrive at Central Bus Station in Jerusalem. Americans disperse to Shabbat destinations.

Sunday
12:00 p.m.- Americans meet back at Central Bus Station in Jerusalem.
12:15 p.m.- Van full of Americans leave for Ma'aleh Gilboa.
2:35ish p.m.- Van full of Americans arrive at Ma'aleh Gilboa.
3:00 p.m.- Mincha. Regular weekday resumes as normal.

And that's it.
***
And in today's news:
We went to an etrog farm today. It was hot and smelly and there were no etrogs because they are being packaged with lulavs for the upcoming Sukkot holiday. We also saw a replica of an ancient Israeli mosaic. It was almost exciting, until we remembered it was just a replica. I thought it was cool because it had the word "cucumber" in it.

Also, happy birthday to Grandpa Alex:
Happy birthday to you,
Happy birthday to you,
Happy birthday to Grandpa Alex,
Happy birthday to you!
And many more!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Shabbat Shalom.

"Elementary, my dear Nachshon"

The Slow, er, Fast of Gedalliah is finally over, but there are still a great deal of mysteriousness in the air. I don't know why I thought those two ideas were connected, but still, mysterious mysteries abound in their mysterious mysteriousism. Some thoughts:

• What did we have for dinner on Rosh Hashana? I think it was chicken, but it could have been turkey or goose or shoe leather.
• How is it that Israelis can drink beer, hava nargila, and talk very very loudly until 2:30 in the morning, and still be up for prayers at 6:00? I try to go to sleep at 11:00, and I manage to wake up at 7:30, at best.
• What does Rav Bigman keep saying in his speeches? I still have no idea.
• How is it possible to fit a 6'4'' man into a six-foot bedframe? I would really like to know. Not for me, obviously, just for a friend of mine... his name is... uh... Enrique. Yeah, Enrique Berkovitz. From Jerusalem. Yeah.
• If this is a kibbutz, why does it sell everything it manufactures? The windmill's electricity, the milk, the eggs, the produce- it's all sold. Do we have an identity crisis?
• When does my air conditioner go on? In theory, 1-3 p.m. and 10 p.m. to midnight. But it will stay on all afternoon, freezing us, or perhaps it will just not go on at all during the night. Or maybe it feels like turning on just as we're leaving for a class.
• Where does my underwear keep disappearing? It goes into the laundry but never comes out. And finally,
• Why the cucumbers? Why? Why????????????????????

If you have any answers, send a postcard, along with two General Mills proofs of purchase and the broomstick of the Wicked Witch of the West, to:

Yeshivat Ma'ale Gilboa, D.N. Gilboa 19145, Israel