Never did cardboard pizza taste so good!

Right now, for some reason, I'm listening to Adam Sandler's "Chanukah Song," which mentions "we've got eight craaaaazy nights." And though I'm sure Sandler is Jewish, he clearly did not remember Pesach, or spend the holiday with my family.

My birthday usually falls out around Pesach time, and one big plus is that I get to see my relatives from New Jersey. The downside to this, of course, is that they are all staying in our house, and coupled with my grandparents and two housekeepers, we had a total of seventeen people staying with us. Count the five New York Mintzes who are staying next door who are here for the meals and the most of the time as well, and that's 22 people, without other guests that we'll have. Not that I'm counting or anything. Nor complaining. Well, not really.

First of all, we have two seders, which may not seem like such a big deal to my American readers, but will cause a good deal of head-scratching to my Israeli friends, and perhaps to my American friends in Israel as well. I thought that I had some practice, as I kept two days of Purim (see March 15), but the experience was... well, who am I kidding, it was the same as my first eighteen Passovers.

We had the same seder, Take One and Take Two. The guest list was about the same both nights. For two nights in a row, I wondered if the Jews would make it out of Egypt, or if we'd have a different ending for the second part of the doubleheader. Unsurprisingly, I was not surprised. Neither was I surprised by the taste of the matzah, as crunchy and bland as it's ever been. The best part of the seder, apart from watching watching some people drink too much, was singing our favorite songs. We maintained our tradition of the "Zuzei!" from last year, and established one for next year with our "Tafsarav." (Don't ask)

Other than the seders, we played some basketball, we swam in the jacuzzi despite the mercurial weather, and I continued teaching others the finer points of the highly-addicting "The Settlers of Catan." We ate almost all of the good snackfood, and consumed much matzah-pizza, which is basically tomato sauce and cheese on carboard. And, I finally finished my book, "The World is Flat." All 400-plus pages of it. Now I can continue to read other literature in peace.

Tomorrow we leave for Palm Springs for seven days.

Chag Sameach.

Guess what today is?

Before I get to the excitement of today, let me first mention that I attended last night's Maverick-Clipper game at Staples Center. It was a low-scoring affair, with Dallas winning on a jumper by Dirk Nowitzki with 0.7 seconds left to win 75-73.

Anyway today was my birthday. Huzzah! I am now nineteen, or, as I prefer to think of it, my one-year anniversary of my being legal. We celebrated by cleaning the house for Pesach, finishing the last of the chametz and scraping the remains of a moldy rug off the tiled floor. Our seders should be between 25-30 people each (oh yeah, we're keeping two days in the US), so we rearranged the whole den, moving the couch and other accoutrements to achieve a whole new feng shui. And yes, I pronounce it "fang shuey."

Tonight we celebrated my birthday, as well as the arrival of my relatives from New Jersey (via Utah), as well as the last official leavened meal, at our favorite sushi place. Though the food was excellent as usual, the sixteen of us placing our own individual finnicky orders caused a fair amount of confusion and delay. Still, it was all worth it. Goodbye rice. Goodbye soy. Hello macaroons!

Tonight I threw a small party for my birthday, and though it was a lot of fun, its circumstances merit a brief explanation: a few years ago, I threw a last-second, half-effort party on Friday night, and the only person who showed was my friend Josh Cohen. In order to at least double my guest list, I put a party hat on Shel Silverstein (or rather, the picture of Shel Silverstein on the dustjacket of his book), leading to what is now known as "The Shel Silverstein Incident with the Party Hat and the Failed Birthday Party, with only Josh Cohen Attending." Not wanting another SSIPHFBPJCA, I took the initiative to make my own party. This also partly backfired on me, because my parents were trying to throw a surprise party for me. Oh well.

A few of my friends-- Tzvi, Tabak, Alyssa, Saraleah, Rochelle, Landau-- came at exactly 8:03, and we schmoozed for a while before cutting up the birthday cake, my favorite cake of all-- a chocolate-and-lemon checkerboard cake; you need to see and taste it to believe it. Then we went bowling, where I won with a grand score of 117 (out of a possible 300). My bowling goal, as always, was to crack 100, which I did. I'm thinking about setting my sights on a minimum of 120, and seeing where I go from there. Whatever.

Last word: Today is also the birthday of David Mayer-Deutsch. All together now:
Happy birthday to you,
Happy birthday to you,
Happy birthday to David,
Happy birthday to you!

"Workin' at the Car Wash..."

Last year my senior class went on the March of the Living, a program that takes people to Poland and Israel for Holocaust Memorial Day and Israeli Independence Day, respectively, but since our school went with the Bureau of Jewish Education of Los Angeles, a large chunk of each person's expenses was subsidized. This year, Shalhevet is going on its own program to Poland-Israel, and so without subsidy moneys, the seniors had to raise their own funds to help cover the costs of those who need financial aid. Last week there was a Chinese Auction, and I've been told that there are or were other fundraisers as well. Yesterday I participated in the last fundraiser before Pesach, a car wash.

Why was I participating? I'm not so sure. All I know is that my brother, a senior who was supposed to be in charge of organizing the event, planned on just "winging it." That meant advertising, supplies, volunteer schedules, and other essentials would sort of materialize on their own. When my father took charge Saturday night, my whole family got to volunteer as well! Or to be more exact, it was more of a Ma'aleh Gilboa sort of "volunteering." Since I was babysitting for my cousin for the morning, I did not go to the morning shift, but I was there from 12:30 to 3:15, washing cars. Towards the end, all the seniors with the exception of Tabak, fled the scene of their own fundraiser, turning the Seniors '06 Car Wash into The Bain Family and Josh Tabak Car Wash for the last two or three cars. I think the most disappointing aspect of the event was that we did not have that 70's disco tune "Car Wash" playing at full volume, for at least one of the cars.

After the car wash, we did some more volunteering by delivering Pesach supplies to families who need them. We worked for Tomchei Shabbat, a volunteer organization that gives these families food for shabbat on Thursdays, but made a special round yesterday to get food to people before Pesach starts Wednesday night.

That night, I went to see Shalhevet's fourth annual night of student one-acts, this year titled "Mayhem Shmayem." The five plays, written and directed by Shalhevet students, featured the same wacky energy that defined the one-acts in my three years writing (and producing and directing). The plays hit a range of themes-- from a detective discovering who literally is "killing time" to an identity struggle on a movie set. My brother wrote a fun play about cheating on tests, but the ending was altered severely by the powers that be, and the play finished on a... well, it didn't really finish at all, it just kinda stopped.

Two plays stood out to me, for different reasons. One was "Prophecy," an allegorical piece written by freshman Sofi Porter-Zasada. The play told of a family who interprets the nonsensical aphorisms of their grandma, and dispenses advice to the neighborhood based on what they think they are hearing. I think the play, on a deeper level, was about religion and understanding truth. Either that, or I construed that all on my own, and the play was just about a crazy old grandmother. Very pointed.

The second play, "Laundromat," was written by senior Eytan Zana, who also starred as the lead role. This play was a fast-paced, wacky comedy. From the tic-tac-toe battle death-match to the girl with the invisible puppies to the clothes-hanger hostage, the tempo kept building and the stakes kept escalating while remaining fresh and funny. Eytan, who also does improv, was uproariously funny, and senior Michael Klein also managed to steal some thunder with his opera-singing viking and pompous self-narrating businessman. Very funny and well done.

That night we ate at this Japanese restaurant, known in some circles as "the noodle place." I did not have any noodles, but I had what could be my last sushi before Pesach. Damn the kitniyot!

A word on kitniyot: while all Jews are forbidden from eating leavened products made from the five grains (wheat, barley, oats, rye, and spelt), Ashkenazi Jews took upon themselves the tradition of also not eating kitniyot. I've heard kitniyot translated as legumes, but more importantly, forbidden foods includes corn, rice, soy, and peanut, among others. I've never fully understood the reason behind this tradition, or more importantly, why we insist on keeping it other than Tevye's "Tradition!"

Birthday wishes: it seems like April is getting full of birthdays! Today is Yoni Kirby! Yeah.

Happy birthday to you,
Happy birthday to you,
Happy birthday to Kirby,
Happy birthday to you.

The Big Sabbath

Today was the Big Sabbath, known in some circles as Shabbat HaGadol. The Big Sabbath is the sabbath preceeding Passover, and, according to tradition, it is called such because a great miracle happened to the Jews in Egypt on that day. I have never learned why it is called "HaGadol," which is a masculine adjective, and not "HaGedollah," which is feminine and seemingly appropriate for the feminine noun "Shabbat." Anyway, the only thing memorable about today is that the rabbi delivered his usual sermon between mincha and ma'ariv instead of during the morning service, thus shortening the service by a good hour.

Other than that, the Shabbat passed without a hitch. I went to synagogue, sated myself with delicious home cooking, played basketball, and won a tight game of Settlers of Catan. I think my brother Benjy is getting drawn into the game. I also continued reading my book, "The World is Flat" by Thomas Friedman (who also writes for the New York Times). I am a bit ashamed to admit that I started the book before I left America for Israel is August, but I console myself, knowing that I've been busy, had other books, and that the book is very long and very dense. I'll finish someday.

One of the major disappointments in my two shabbats here is that I have been unable to have my traditional shabbat breakfast of bagel and tuna salad. Last shabbat we had tuna, but no bagels, and this week we had bagels but no tuna! And next week, I cannot have a bagel due to the Pesach holiday, which forbids the consumption of all leavened food products.

Speaking of leavened food products, I picked up a list of items in shul today that thankfully were declared to be not chametz (leavened). I'm certainly glad, because I did not throw these things away at yeshiva, on the grounds that, well, they're not food. And though I thought it was common sense, that you are not supposed to have any edible chametz products, apparently it was necessary to make the following list:

Baby ointments, plastic bags, body wash, tub cleaner, candles, cardboard, carpet cleaner, charcoal, conditioner, metal cleaners, cork, creams and gels, styrofoam cups, detergents, fabric protectors, furniture polish, glass cleaner, hair products, insecticides, isopropyl alcohol, jewelry polish, laundry detergents, paper napkins, oven cleaner, paper towels, disposable plates, shampoos, silver polish, skin cream, soap, suntan lotion, talcum powder, toilet bowl cleaner.

Thank goodness. I mean, I might have accidentally dipped my karpas in insecticide, made a Hillel sandwich of cardboard and jewelry polish, and drank my four cups of isopropyl alcohol. Glad that's out of the way.

Salad at the Deli. Who knew?

I went back to my old stomping grounds, Shalhevet High School, this morning to witness what the school advertises as the world-famous Town Hall meetings. The Town Hall meetings occur every Thursday, when the whole school meets and discusses relevant issues. I use the word "discuss" because even though the school touts the students' so-called democratic power, the reality it that Town Hall is just the students voicing their opinions, and the opinions counting only if they agreed with what the administration had already decided.

Today's Town Hall was not a normal Town Hall, although it started that way with the fifteen minutes of student announcements. Instead, it was a Q&A forum with head of school Dr. Jerry Friedman regarding financial cutbacks that included the firing of about four or five teachers. The issue was presented as strictly financial, and the students attacked the cold business-only policy and defended their favorite teachers. I probably should have seen this Town Hall coming; after all, it is April, tax season, and this is when the financial decisions get made, and the decision to fire teachers handed down.

After Town Hall I went to lunch with seniors Seth Samuels and Josh Tabak to Pico Kosher Deli. Oddly enough, I did not order a sandwich at the Deli, but rather got the Cobb Salad, which is topped with turkey and pastrami and a zesty (pareve) ranch dressing, something they lack in Israel. I mean, I was going to order a burger, but Seth ordered a salad, and well... it sounded so... so good. So I ate it. And it was good.

Tonight I completed the LA Sporting Trifecta by going to the Staples Center to watch the LA Kings take on the San Jose Sharks in a battle of teams fighting for their playoff lives. However, the teams are heading in opposite directions; the Sharks pasted the lackluster Kings 5-0 to close in on a playoff spot, while the Kings are now all but eliminated from the postseason.

Instead of watching the game (hockey is pretty boring in itself, and the Kings' efforts, or lack thereof, didn't help any), I took to some people watching. With seats in the lower level, I got to watch the button pusher, the guy sits behind the glass and illuminates a red light when a goal is scored. He looked bored and frustrated in the second period, when no goals were scored on his end, but much happier in the third, when Los Angeles surrendered three goals, including an own goal (one accidently scored by their own player). I also saw a man wearing an eyepatch, and a loud heckler who failed miserably at rattling the San Jose goaltender, who made some spectacular saves and did not allow a goal. Throughout the game, I listened to the four loud wiseacres behind me give a running commentary on everything from Kings' history to South Park to their summer plans.

So the Trifecta started with a thrilling come-from-behind win, then had a back-and-forth late-inning defeat, and ended with a blowout loss. Oh well, you can't win 'em all.

Sports Night(s)

One thing they don't have in Israel is the sporting world, especially the drama-laced, easy-going, high-pressure, laid-back, and overall paradoxic sporting world of Los Angeles. I mean, sure, there's Maccabi Tel Aviv and Beitar Jerusalem basketball, and the soccer games with all the excitement of watching paint dry, but other than that, it's basically me checking the sports highlights on espn.com on my laptop.

Thankfully, I have been able to attend LA sporting events at two of the greatest sporting arenas in the US, Staples Center and Dodger Stadium. First up, the playoff-bound Clippers taking on the also playoff-bound Nuggets. I was in Premier Section 110, row 10:

It started as a preview of a potential first-round playoff matchup, and by halftime it was a laugher. But in the second half, when the Nugget-Clipper game turned into playoff-intensity battle, one team’s star lost his cool, while the other kept his composure, rallying his team to an improbable victory.

Sam Cassell scored 19 points and handed out 10 assists, and his fourth quarter play helped the Clippers to a come-from-behind 111-109 victory against the Denver Nuggets before 17,365 roaring fans at Staples Center.

Elton Brand scored 18 points and collected 11 rebounds, Vladimir Radmanovic and Corey Maggette scored 18 and 17 respectively off the bench, and the Clippers played sound second-half defense to overcome a 22-point deficit. With the win, the Clippers (43-30) strengthened their hold on the Western Conference’s fifth seed and reduced their “magic number” to clinching a playoff spot to two.

Carmelo Anthony led Denver (41-34) with 24 points, reserve DerrMarr Johnson had 22, and Andre Miller added 12 assists. But the Nuggets had to play the last minute of a tight game without Anthony, who leads the NBA with 10 game-winning shots. A clearly frustrated Anthony was automatically ejected with 1:11 left in the game after punching the ball into the stands following a hard foul. The loss of their superstar proved costly for the Nuggets, who were forced to give the ball to Ruben Patterson with three seconds left. But he missed an off-balance jumper as time expired, and the Clippers rebounded from a tough road loss in Sacramento.

The game was a tale of two halves for Nuggets, who hit their first 12 shots and shot a blistering 82 percent in the first half. Marcus Camby, who finished with 19 points, connected on all nine of his shots to help the Nuggets to a 77-57 halftime advantage.

With almost everything the Nuggets throwing at the basket going in, Clippers Mike Dunleavy had to make some halftime adjustments. While most times coaches will open the third quarter with the starting lineup, Dunleavy opted to start a backcourt of reserves Shaun Livingston and Quinton Ross. The two played key roles in the comeback, as Livingston ignited the Clipper offense, leading fastbreaks and dishing out seven assists, while Ross, the Clippers’ defensive specialist, locked down Anthony, holding him to 1-for-8 shooting in the second half. The Clippers outscored the Nuggets 31-16 in the third quarter to draw within five entering the final period.

The Clippers finally caught the Nuggets, taking the lead 101-100 with 5:11 remaining in the game on a layup by Cassell. Cassell, who scored 10 points and added four assists in the quarter, led the Clippers back with his veteran play, hit clutch free-throws, and got the crowd into the game. Maggette and Brand each hit big shots, and the Clippers held the Nuggets to a paltry 27 percent shooting from the field in the second half. Overall, the Nuggets shot 55 percent while the Clippers made 52 percent.

The Clippers will need to play with the defensive intensity and offensive consistency they showed in the second half to defeat reigning MVP Steve Nash and the Suns in Phoenix tonight. The Suns, who lead the Clippers by six games in the Pacific Division with eight games to play, will be without superstar forward Amare Stoudemire, who is out for the season with an injured knee. But that is a small relief to the Clippers, who lost to the Stoudemire-less Suns by 31 the last time they met.

An additional and unusual statistic I calculated after the game: the two teams shot a combined 42.5% on the eastern basket, but made a whopping 64.6% on the western basket.

(To clarify: the Nuggets shot the first half on the west basket and made 82%, and then the Clippers hit 49% on the same basket in the second half. On the eastern goal, the Clippers shot 56% in the first half, while the Nuggets shot a pathetic 27% after halftime. Now back to the story.)

Though the rest of the world is catching up in the basketball department, I took pride tonight in America's pastime which more or less remains our own (except for Latin America and Japan). Tonight I was on hand with around 35,000 blue-clad fans as the Dodgers lost a close game to the Atlanta Braves by a score of 9-8. For the second time in three games, the Dodger starter lasted less than six innings and surrendered at least seven runs, as Odalis Perez squandered a five run cushion. The Dodgers came back to even the game at eight in the seventh inning, but left the bases loaded and allowed the Braves to score the winning run in the eighth off losing pitcher Franquilles Osoria. Though the hitting is looking much better than last year, even without the injured Nomar Garciappara and Kenny Lofton, the pitching has no resemblance to the league's best staff two years ago. Still, the season is young.

I hope to complete the sports trifecta and get to a hockey game tomorrow night, as the Kings take on the San Jose Sharks back at Staples Center.

I love LA.

The Surprising Doldrums of Vacation

I don't want to say that vacation is getting boring, but at the very least it is getting repetitive. I have next to nothing to do, which is not necessarily a bad thing, but it sure means my schedule is very open. And with my brothers and high school friends trapped in Shalhevet until Pesach break begins for them on Friday, I am finding ways to amuse myself until then.

Today, for example, I accompanied my father to his office in downtown Los Angeles, and took the place of his secretary who was out sick. I was going to write some scholarship essays, but since the computer did not have Microsoft Word, and nor was I able to write emails for some odd reason, my endeavors there were fruitless. I spent the rest of the afternoon watching the Dodgers' Opening Day 11-10 loss to Atlanta, filling in sudoku puzzles, and running two errands.

Both of my errands took me to 550 Hill Street, just down the block from my father's office. These two short trips would not be noteworthy if not for the elevators. The elevators, you say? Yes, the elevators. Instead of a standard "up" or "down" button, you summon an elevator by entering the number of the desired floor into a keypad, with digits 0-9. Then, after processing your requested floor, the elevator computer will direct you to one of six elevators (A-F) that will be traveling to that floor soonest. After the novelty of the technology wore off in about 0.8 seconds, I considered the practicality of the so-called upgrade: instead of buttons inside the elevator, they are outside. And that matters... why?

I returned home after work and was delighted to found out that my mother had purchased The Settlers of Catan, which I can now play with my family. I also found out that the game is a lot harder to teach than I remembered, especially as I had learned to play with three other experienced players. My twenty minute attempt to explain the game was met with boredom, exhaustion, and much silliness, which I will leniently attribute to the lateness of the hour.

I can't say that UCLA fared much better in its game, displaying boredom, exhaustion, and offensive futility in its title game loss to Florida. UCLA was outplayed on both offense and defense, to the dismay of my father, a UCLA alum (or alumnus? I can never remember which is male and which is female). Better luck to the Bruins next year. I will probably root for them in 2007, as NYU does not have a Division I NCAA basketball team. I also don't know the school's mascot, or if it even has one, so I'll just say "Go Bruins!" next time March Madness rolls around.

Why was this shabbat different from other shabbats?

Ever since I've been home, I feel that I've lost some of the drive to blog. I have seen most of the people to whom I was writing before, so now I feel that I am writing to my friends in Israel about my adventures in Los Angeles, which are none too exciting or entertaining. Nevertheless, it is my sacred duty to continue to write.

I feel like this shabbat was different from last week's in so many ways. For one, I was able to eat all of my favorite shabbat foods, quite unlike the turkey neck soup, shoe leather meat, and petel-syrup drink meals to which I've grown accustomed. The eating environment was a lot more intimate; at yeshiva, it was thirty people to a table, while here, the only unwanted faces were Tabak and Tzvi.

On the other hand, I definitely missed the group environment of the YMG singing and dancing during shabbat morning davenning. Here, I joined Rabbi Becker's teen minyan, where I had the fifth aliyah and received four Laffy Taffys for answering a parsha question. After lunch, I got to play the ca-razy board game Wit's End with Talya, Tabak, and company, and then played basketball. This game of hoops was quite unlike both my previous experiences at YMG and at home in that it was with a completely new set of players; obviously, I was not with my yeshiva pals on the court, but at home, I was surprised at all the new faces I saw on the court.

After shabbat ended, I watched the second half of UCLA's 59-45 win over LSU to reach the college basketball championship game against Florida. Then I went to Tabak's house to watch a Chinese Auction, a fundraiser for the 12th grade trip to Poland and Israel. I stayed awake for as long as I could, but around 10:30, I finally succumbed to jetlag and headed home, where I immediately fell asleep.