FIST: Yehuda and Benjamin

Happy month of Adar: he who enters Adar enters into a realm of happiness. Or something like that.

First Impressions:
Yehuda loves Ace Ventura, frequently quoting lines such as "Bumblebee tuna!" and "Aaaaaaallrighty then!" He also enjoys Pink Floyd, and his cell phone represents a mixture of these two loves: the background is Ace, and the ringtone is Pink Floyd's "Money." He is a member of both my fantasy football and basketball pools, and also plays real basketball and frisbee. We enjoy making fun of things, and as you might guess, making fun of things is my national pastime.

Benjamin goes by the nickname "Jammin'," which is perhaps the coolest nickname ever for Benjamin (Ben, Benny, Benjy, Benji, Bengie, Enjam). He has absolutely no trace of a Texan accent, but sounds kinda like Kermit the Frog. One of the nicest guys here. Likes and understands computers and iPods, and has fixed both of mine. Slept in my room on the first night because of rooming confusion (now is in his own room), and my work buddy during Gaza gruntwork. His mom posted on my blog.

Second Thoughts:
Yehuda is the social chameleon of the group. Actually, I don't think every group has a social chameleon, or if that is even a real term. Nevertheless, I think that is a good description of Yehuda. He fits into so many social circles: learning, basketball, Settlers, movies, computers, frisbee, hiking. He can be laid-back, or extremely focused. The many faces of Yehuda, if you will, most with the Lerea Chessire Cat grin. He has a great deal of understanding and patience, and enjoys Rav Elisha's class very very much. Yehuda can be quiet sometimes, but usually has a strong opinion. He rooms with two Israelis (Yisrael Klitzner and Brodo), and like me, he has four younger brothers. Notice that he's wearing the same shirt in both pictures. And, as he often reminds me, he has " the reflexes of a cat and the speed of a mongoose. " Aaaaaalrighty then!

Benjamin still goes by Jamin (spelled correctly here), though Rav Elisha sometimes calls him Benjy, to his displeasure. He is still the techie of the group for computers and internet, as he uses the internet to Skype to his parents. He has a sense of humor, and although it is better than David Zvi's (then again, whose isn't?), it can have it's weird moments, like his fascination with Pass the Pigs. He is a fellow of some program called Bronfman, which means that he has an apartment in Jerusalem at his disposal, kinda. I've met his mom (I've also met the parent/s of Ilan, Josh, DZ, DMD, Marans, Jason, Weiler, Ezra, and Yehuda), and I saw immediately where he gets a lot of his personality and such. And, he still jumps when we call his cell phone, even though we've done it a bajillion times.

Zichron, Cholent, and the Mother of all Toranut

Most of my American friends at their American yeshivot often set off for an exciting adventure, to Eilat or the Galilee or the Dead Sea. I, on the other hand, live on one of their tiyulim. So it was quite refreshing when the Americans at YMG took a day off to explore the great country of Israel.

We went to Zichron Ya'akov, perhaps most famous for its vineyards. However, we chose not to visit the winery, but rather, two museums. Perhaps the prospect of museums is why most of the Americans slept in. Of the thirteen foreigners, only five attended the tiyul: Ezra, Benjamin, DMD, Yehuda, and myself. Additionally, Rav Yossi came along as our guide.

After stopping in a 118-year old synagogue in the middle of town, where a rabbi who sounded like Rav Bigman was giving a shiur, we walked to the First Aliyah Museum. We learned of the trials of the first wave of immigrants to what was then Palestine. The museum used television screens at regular intervals to show the continuing story of an immigrating family, which we thought a fictional. The last station, however, revealed that "Ruthie" is now an old lady and "David" is an old man. Nevertheless, it still felt fake to me. My suspicions were confirmed when, in the credits, it had actors playing the roles of "Old Ruthie" and "Old David."

The next museum we saw was the Aharonson family museum. Everything about it seemed familiar, as I had been there a few times previously, but I could not remember what the place memorialized. It all came back to me, right before I saw the next exhibit or the next scene in the movie. I said to myself "this is where she shoots herself" or "his corpse became a palm tree that they discovered years later," and I was right. Basically, the museum preserves the story of the Aharonson family, who led by their brother Aharon (that's right, Aharon Aharonson!) established a pro-British spy group, NILI, before the British occupation of then-Palestine before World War I.

We headed back to the yeshiva after a shawarma in downtown Zichron (the yeshiva paid for the museums and the food!), and after the long van ride back to the kibbutz, prepared for shabbat. That was harder than you think, especially as we had not one, not two, but three guests in our room for shabbat. Yes, Ilan's friends Gaby and Mike, and Josh's friend Ben, took up our floorspace, defiled our shower, and were otherwise quite enjoyable as guests.

Shabbat was not bad. I cannot believe I have only two more In Shabbats before Pesach break, and since one of them is shabbat before Purim, when all the holiday festivities occur, I only have one regular shabbat left.

The yeshiva prayed with the kibbutz as part of "Kibbutz and Yeshiva Shabbat." Since we prayed in the synagogue and not in the Beit Midrash, there was some concern that the students would not be able to infuse the normal dose of spirituality and singing into the prayers. Fortunately for all, I came to the rescue. During the rendition of Anim Zmirot, the concluding hymn that leads straight into dancing at the yeshiva, I put my arm around Zev and started swaying to the music. Ilan came and joined us. Then Yonadav and Eitan came too. In a matter of minutes, the synagogue was a-rockin' with Jewish dancing and singing, most of it not off-key.

I did not go to the post-davenning Dvar Torah by Rav Meir, as I had toranut. Originally, I was slated for Friday afternoon, but since I was on the tiyul, I arranged to switch with someone. Turned out to be a mistake. First, I thought that the toranut for shabbat morning was only to set the tables. Nope; duties also include serving food. And then, when I thought I was done, clean-up was added, so that took about 45 minutes of rest time. And finally, as we finished cleaning, Head Toran Neta revealed that we also had to clear for guests of the kibbutz, eating in an adjacent room. Another half-hour. After that, I don't think I should have to be toran until after Pesach.

And now, the shabbat is now over. We had Cholent Bowl VIII, which was not as tasty as VII. I also need to confirm that we have not misnumbered, and that this is not actaully VII. And for some reason, I am feeling gassy, even though there are no beans in our cholent.

For now, a challenge. Your mission, should you choose to accept it, is to match the following yeshiva students with their Settlers of Catan nicknames (five points).

1. Yoni Bain
2. Jason Ast
3. Micah Koplow
4. Eitan Berkovitz
5. Yehuda Lerea
6. Yitzchak Brody

a. White Rabbit
b. The Count
c. Pavarotti
d. GP
e. Goofy
f. Brodo
Do not ask why. You cannot understand. Just guess. That is all.

End communication.

FIST: Ezra and David

FIST: new and improved!

First Impressions:
Well, Ezra and David. Ezra comes from Maryland, near DC. He comes from a conservative synagogue, and sometimes grapples with the Talmud and Judaism as manifested here. He wears a lot of basketball shirts. His nickname is Ezra the Scribe because he writes perfectly legible notes for everything. Actually, that's not really his nickname, but it fits. He is one of the only people who does not wear white on Shabbat (he wears gray).

David has a very excellent birthday, but was born at night and thus has a different Hebrew birthday than yours truly (I am the 12th of Nissan, he is the 13th). He is one of two Americans who sleeps on the roof, and the only one who mixes all of the breakfast foods together into one bowl (see picture) before eating them; methinks he has already lost his tastebuds. Hehe, I just said "methinks." I'm not quite sure who Aryeh is; there is an American older student named Aryeh, but he hasn't been here for weeks. There is a rumor going around that we are going to shave his poofy hair; admittedly, I started that rumor, but it's still fun.

Second Thoughts
In the world of academics, talmud, and Learnometers, much hype is bestowed upon the David Zvis and the Aarons, but Ezra Fishman is underrated and underhyped severely. He attends shacharit regularly, or so he tells me, as I don't always make it. He always is involved in discussions, so much so that all the rabbis know his name, whereas fellow Learnonomist David Zvi is oft mistaken as "Moshe Zvi." He challenges constantly, espouses his Conservative (his dad is a rabbi) and feminist (his mom is a woman) beliefs, and knows the many theologians mentioned when Rav Bigman goes tangential on us. He still takes the group notes for Rav Bigman's American lectures, because he seems to be the only American who has legible handwriting. The basketball shirts I previously identified are Stu Vetter shirts. When Ezra stretches, his back seems to disappear (?), leading to Ronen's Tu B'shvat riddle "who doesn't have a back?"

"'Cause I'm DMD, I have big hair
DMD, and I just don't care"

Some people just have a song, and David Mayer-Deutsch (DMD) is one of them. Music seems to be good fit for DMD: he sings and dances constantly. And like music, DMD sometimes seems to be beyond words. He just seems to be... from another planet sometimes. The intensity. The uncouth afro. The sleeping on the roof, or on the grass. The way he wears sandals and socks, or four shirts at once. The fact that he still mixes everything into a bowl and eats it, apparently with no regard for taste. David does his own thing, singing and dancing to his own drummer. Learning-wise, he speaks in a careful, measured tone and makes accurate points. His mom is a rabbi; I think about half the Americans have parents who is a rabbi/Jewish educator. DMD is into nature, the beauty of YMG. DMD at YMG seems to be a good fit, for him, the yeshiva, and all of us.

FIST: Jason and Marans

Notice that we are going in the same order as we did in October...

First Impressions
Well, there you have it. Jason, a religious Jew from a mostly black public school (some of his classmates were Tone-E and Antoinette), left after junior year to come to Israel. Whenever we are trying to get all the Americans together, the first person identified as missing is Jason. And he usually is. He is sometimes in classes, but is more frequently found in his boxer shorts around the dorms, or hitchhiking with Israelis. He is a founding member of the Cholent Club, and says "sababa" a lot.

And as for Marans? He's loud, a skill he uses to make his points heard (he was also on Model UN). Marans is very social with Israelis, and has many chevrutas with them (something I am still working on). When I mentioned in passing that I never see him in the Beit Midrash, he assured me that he was there. Maybe we have different hours, or I just kept missing him. Whatever the case, I now see him more often, learning. One of my most...vivid anecdotes regarding Marans: one time he came up to my room for the only time and said hi. He then proceeded to leave a... surprise in our bathroom, stinking it up. I mean, come on. Who does that to someone?

Second Thoughts
Jason is one of the real surprises at yeshiva. He has a learning side, but that's not why he stands out. Jason is... how do I put it? The rebel. The trail blazer. The maverick. He comes from public school, and is going to YU. He is likely to be found at a number of places: in Jerusalem, biking, hiking, fishing, lounging around, learning. He found Israeli roommates when it became obvious that four rooms of three Americans each would not fit for thirteen of us. He cooks, he is looking into a Euro trip, he is a devious Settler (Settlers of Catan), and is a year younger than us. He says "shmehhhh" a lot, replacing "sababa" as the word I associate with him (although he still says that a lot too, but I'm used to it). For some reason, he regularly wears a sports coat (see picture), sometimes with a matching hat.

If Jason is the surprise, Marans, to me, is still the mystery. Our schedules and classes rarely coincide: he learns with Rav Meir while I'm with Rav Yitzchak; he skips Rav Bigman's American shiur in favor of learning with a teacher named Yoshi; he's the last one at dinner while I'm one of the first. He has a very outgoing and sociable personality, which is as striking to me as it was the first day. And he's as sharp as a very sharp sharp thing. But I never seem to know where he is or what he's doing, when he's bound to show up or what class he might attend. Though I can estimate the social circles of most guys here, I have no idea who he hangs out with. Maybe it's me. However, I do feel like I've gotten a good read on the guys here, and with Marans, I feel like I haven't been living on the same isolated mountain with him for nearly six months.

FIST: David Zvi and Kirby

I know what you're thinking: what is FIST? FIST, my friends, stands for First Impressions, Second Thoughts. Looking back on the archives, way back, I saw some of my takes on the Americans, and thought what I wrote back then was, well, back then. So why not write anew? Now that I know the guys better, why shouldn't I write descriptions that portray the closeness we've developed over the past few months? That, and the fact that some of the Americans didn't like their first pictures.

Included here are the verbatim paragraphs (and pictures) that I wrote (and photographed) in October. Below that are the new takes. Compare, contrast, and enjoy. Or whatever.

First Impressions:
So there you have it. The two Canadians, who incidentally were next-door neighbors. Both are dedicated learners, Aaron learning by himself a lot and David Zvi, who is a Cohen, learning a lot too, but in a few more groups. Aaron is one of those in charge of providing the Beit Midrash bisquits, the yeshiva snack while learning, and David Zvi tells jokes that are only funny in Canada (including the memorable and oft-ridiculed one-liner "Magenta Pig!" ?????).

Second Thoughts:
I guess my assessment of the two Canadians will make no sense, as Aaron is no longer at YMG. The rumor about him is that he finished every book we had, and needed more Torah. Though I'm not sure if that rumor is credible, especially as I created it. Nevertheless, I will do the best I can with the Second thoughts. I also realized that I lumped the two of them into one paragraph, which not only ruins my aesthetic design, but also shows how little I knew them back then.

David Zvi, oh David Zvi. No one can replace Aaron on the sacred Learnometer, but David Zvi, or DZ (or occasionally "Dizzle"), is coming close. If Aaron was the Supreme Chancellor of learning, DZ is the... what, the Vice Supreme Chancellor? DZ is one of the learniest guys here, and was number seven in the Canadian Torah league, or something like that. And it shows. He asks a lot of insightful and incisive questions, and, when giving a shiur to the Americans in Rav Elisha's class, was organized, precise, and focused.

Aside from the learning, of which he does quite a lot, DZ has a bizarre sense of humor, though "sense of humor" is pushing it. We never really forgave him for "magenta pig," though he claims that it is in his past. He thinks he's funny, but the only time that he is really funny is really late, when he's really tired. Most of the time, we just nod and smile. DZ has a great music collection, works great with computers, and still has that red beard.

Kirby. I will not mention his first name here. He thinks he has dibs over it because he was born a day before me. Think again. We already have two Yonis here.

To be honest, I don't know Kirby that well. Kirby transfered from Shalem about two months ago, and while I think he's really fitting into the learning here, it's been a bit of a challenge to integrate him socially. The American group has been tight-knit since day one, and adding someone late in the game is tough. We still try, and I think he's fitting in, slowly. Hopefully, we will all be able to get to know this cool and awesome guy through the second half of the year. Kirby moved into Aaron's bed, and is Jamin's roommate.

The American in Paris... kinda

King Arthur: Can we come up and have a look?
French Soldier: Of course not. You're English types.
King Arthur: What are you then?
French Soldier:I'm French. Why do you think I have this outrageous accent, you silly king?
Sir Galahad: What are you doing in England?
French Soldier: Mind your own business.

Merovingian: I love French wine, like I the French language. I have sampled every language, French is my favorite. Fantastic language. Especially to curse with. Nom de dieu de putain de bordel de merde de saloperie de connard d'enculé de ta mère. It's like wiping your arse with silk. I love it.

Alex Trebek: "A Petit Dיjeuner" - that category is about French phrases, so let's just skip it.
Burt Reynolds: Hey, uh, I speak a little French. You're an [jerk], pardon my French.
French Stewart: My name's French!
Burt Reynolds: Yeah, well, who gives a damn?

Bad things can happen when you deal with the French. As evidenced above, interaction with those from the state of France can, and probably will, result in swallows carrying coconuts, incredibly dangerous stuntwork, or Final Jeopardy.

Add to that incredibly dangerous list "conversation." This shabbat I was at the Saban residence in Rechovot. The Sabans, who made aliyah from France twenty or so years ago, are like other families who made aliyah in that they speak their native tongue quite frequently. This meant that we could only communicate in Hebrew, with no option, as in most other places I've stayed, to resort to English as a safety net.

During shabbat I mastered the art of the "nod and smile," or trying to look like I knew what we were talking about. The "nod and smile" usually is a very successful technique, provided that the other person is not asking a question. Which happened to me a few times.

Overall, shabbat was very nice. We went to a sefardic shul, which was an interesting religious experience. I may have seen more unibrows than a one would see at a Count Olaf convention. I was not too familiar with the order of the service, so that was a plus. Dinner was different, with lots of French cooking. In accordance with my new attempts to try new foods, I tasted a zucchini. Last shabbat, at the Avericks, I had some avocado. I don't think I will ever try a beet. That night we walked to the house of Oren's friend Doron, where we talked. I think. I was tired, so I mostly sat there.

On the way home, Oren, Aaron Gabba, Micah, and I talked about the upcoming holiday of Purim, and what it would be like if different yeshiva people were drunk. I don't think anything came out of that conversation, but there you go.

I think I slept twelve hours that night, and naturally missed shacharit. However, I did make up for it by doing this wooden puzzle thing where you have to undo a string from a wooden figure. Lunch was a very hearty goulash, and I tried to read the only English book I could find, "The Last Mandarin." The only good part about it is that it sent me straight to my shabbat nap. That afternoon, I walked with Oren's friends to another syangogue (thankfully not sefardic) for mincha-maariv, between which we walked around a brick-floor maze (don't ask).

That night we were going to see a movie, either "Brokeback Mountain" or "Mrs. Henderson Presents," but since Aaron had to babysit his siblings, we rented {PROOF} and watched at his house. We ordered pizza and cola, which partially made up for the fact that it was a pretty mediocre movie. I mean, Anthony Hopkins was good, but a cast starring Gwyneth Paltrow and Jake Gylenhaal is not likely to draw rave reviews.

After the film, we got some ice cream and sat on a bench and talked. Joining us was Aaron's friend Ariel, who wore a Matrix-like black leather coat. He currently is learning at Gush, where he told us of a Floridian who got a concussion and kept asking the same question over and over.He currently is learning at Gush, where he told us of a Floridian who got a concussion and kept asking the same question over and over.

This morning, I ran to catch a bus, and arrived at the Central Bus Station in Jerusalem with half an hour to spare. Unfortunately, we still did not arrive at the yeshiva in time. The van driver asked us if we would mind if we stopped a few hours out of our way in Tel Aviv so he could pick up a package. When we voted a decisive no, the driver, naturally an Israeli, decided to go anyway. What was supposed to be a half hour delay took close to an hour and a half. The driver had to stop at every street corner in Tel Aviv to ask directions, and Israeli directions being what they are, it took us awhile to find the place.

On the bright side, we did get to see the Gilboa irises. They should be in full bloom soon.

In the Penthouse

If being part of one siyum is good, being part of three is better. One could even say that it is approximately three times better (more accurately, 2.9772). Yesterday I was privy to participate in three siyums, though only one might actually count as a siyum: we concluded our study of Tractate Sanhedrin by finishing the ninth chapter; I finished watching the sixth season of "Seinfeld;" and Josh and I conlcuded the first season of "Scrubs," a refreshingly quirky medical TV show.

This morning, the Americans were supposed to have a tiyul to Zichron Ya'akov, but since most of us left early (only five of us on the van), we went straight to Jerusalem instead. After praying in the bus station, I taxied to the computer shop to pick up my laptop, which (as of now) is working. Since, once again, my Jerusalem friends were too busy to hang out with me, I took the 434 bus directly to Rechovot, where I am staying for Shabbat.

Rechovot means "streets," and there are streets in this city that is home to 120,000 people. Other than that, I don't get the name. A few YMGuys live in Rechovot-- Aaron Gabba, Yisrael Shpindel, Yonatan Oren-- but I am staying with Oren Saban. I also just found out that Micah is staying at Aaron's, so there is a good chance I will see him this weekend.

The Sabans live in a post-modern style penthouse, very big and white. They are French, a fact that has no correlation whatsoever to the previous sentence, but a fact worth noting nonetheless. I ate lunch with Oren, his brother Eitan, and his parents, and for perhaps the first time I can remember, we had meat on Friday afternoon. French bread, hot dogs, Israeli salad, even sliced turkey, of which I am not too fond-- quite delicious.

Before I wish y'all a shabbat shalom, allow me to extend a hearty "Congratulations" to the 2006 Shalhevet Model United Nations team for finishing first in the sixteenth Yeshiva University National Model United Nations (YUNMUN XVI). Special shoutouts to all the best delegates (Talya, Rochelle, Ayal, Ben, Eli) and the honorable mentions (Mitzi, Galit). And to all those who should have won but were robbed for whatever reason-- you are just like me. Savor the victory, especially over archnemesis YOLA; that was something I never accomplished in my two years on the team. Enjoy the celebratory dinner, just be careful with the pasta (I think someone out there got that reference, no?). Once again, great job silencing the Shalhevet detractors.

Shabbat shalom.

Genesis Reunion

It's getting harder and harder to write about what happens every day, since it usually amounts to the same thing: "learning." Fortunately, tonight I had an experience that is noteworthy.

In the summer of 2004, I attended a summer program called Genesis. Genesis is a pluralistic Jewish teen program held at Brandeis University that fosters art, understanding, growth, and leadership. Or something like that; Genesis is one of those programs that is difficult to define. Whatever it was, the summer was a blast. One of the more memorable parts of that program was that I met Ilan, my former and current roommate. That, and having $90 worth of pizza thrown away by the counselors, and an epic card game of War. But those are two totally different stories.

Genesis participants stay in touch with something of a listserv, an internet feature that allows your email to be sent to the whole group. One day, Ilan and I found in our emails that Rabbi Bradley Solmsten, head of the Genesis program, was coming to Israel, and wanted to dinner with the us. Naturally, we accepted, because you always always always accept an invitation off the mountain, especially for food.

Bradley arrived at around 7:00 p.m., and picked up me, Ilan, and Ezra, who did Genesis in the summer of 2003. We went to the mini-mini-mall in Beit Shean, with all of its two stories, four restaurants, and seven shops. Yeah, excitement galore. We ate at the same place where I ate with my parents after Chanukah break, the hybrid pizza-shawarma store. As we munched on our shawarmas (Ilan the vegetarian got pizza), we discussed the future of Genesis, our futures after yeshiva, and a Genesis favorite, pluralism. We compared YMG and Genesis philosophies, tried to figure out how to ensure Genesis participants get more sleep, and endured Bradley's wry and dry humor.

Tonight, we had our American lecture with Rav Bigman, as last night didn't work out. We discussed hierarchy, both in religion and society. In his relationship with the Divine, man sees God in three manners: awe, wonder, and mystery. Similarly, in a relationship with a person, Rav Big said, there are two factors at play: respect, a force born of awe and meant to create distance; and love, a force meant to eliminate distance. The success of a relationship is balancing respect and love. If these words sound familiar, it is because I know a rabbi who couldn't find the right balance between love and respect: Rabbi Goren.

The lecture was interesting, I think, but then again, I'm never really sure with Rav Bigman lectures.

Changing the load from wheat to barley: Yoni and Eitan make sense of a Talmudic discussion between Abaye and Rava

Since nothing really interesting happened today, (apart from my Valentine's Day ploy to photograph Marina for the blog, an attempt that was promptly foiled), I figured I'd write about an unusual experience I had in my night gmara. As I mentioned yesterday, we are learning about wheat and barley with respect to donkeys carrying it. The mishna in Bava Metzia states that a person can be liable if he changes the load on the donkey from wheat to barley, when the change is substantial enough. This is in part because of the fact that wheat is denser than barley, and in part because in changing the grain one is simultaneously changing two factors, volume and density. Basically (I think), one Talmudic sage, Abaye, says that changing the load means that you're influencing both volume and weight, which means that you have less leeway when changing grains. Rava, Abaye's foil and longtime nemesis, thinks that weight is the only significant factor, and therefore when you change grains, you can add more weight before becoming liable.

NOTE: If you are confused already, do not read on. It only gets more confusing.
NOTE: If you are confused already, yeshiva is not for you. Yeshiva, by definition, is confusing.

We (or should I say, Eitan) decided to turn the whole thing into a math problem. What really happened is that it turned into a Yoni problem, as the only math I've been doing in Israel is calculating the rate between dollars and shekels. This is the work we did; we created the densities of wheat and barley, making sure that the barley is less dense. Other than that, the math is real. Or so I'm told. I'm writing this down because I know that when I look back on this, I'll have no idea what it was. Come to think of it, as the minutes tick by, I am getting foggier and foggier as to what we did.

If you can make sense of the following, you're an Eitan, who is a Harvard genius. If you can't, no sweat, you're a Yoni, an average guy who just happens to be an award-winning blogger. Who Harvard rejected.

Density of Wheat = ⅔
Density of Barley = ½
w = weight
v = volume
L = load, as defined as weight + volume

v0 = v
w0 = ⅔v0
w’ = ½v’

L אביי= v+w
חייב= L0 < size="1">0 + v0 < size="1">0 + v0 < ½v’+ v’ 5/3 v0 < size="1">0 < size="1">אביי = v’- v0 = 1/9 v0

Lרבא= w
חייב= L0 < size="1">0 < size="1">0 < ½v’ v’ < size="1">0
Δvרבא = v’- v0 = 1/3 v0


Figure 1:1
Get it?

Tu B'shvat

Judaism has come up with a lot of great ideas that took awhile to catch on in the rest of the world. And the holiday of Tu B'shvat, much like shabbat, divorce, and gefilte fish, is one of those ideas. And like its American counterpart Arbor Day (the last Friday in April), many people know it merely as a holiday mentioned on the calendar.

But we at Ma'aleh Gilboa are not like most people. We take our holidays, major and minor alike, seriously. Well, for the most part.

Whereas Arbor Day varies in most US States and has been around for a relatively short time (President Nixon declared it a national holiday in 1970), Tu B'shvat has been an established holiday for the Jewish people since at least the days of the Mishna. Quoth Tractate Rosh Hashana, Chapter 1 Mishna 1:

ארבעה ראשי שנים הם באחד בניסן ראש השנה למלכים ולרגלים באחד באלול ראש השנה למעשר בהמה רבי אלעזר ורבי שמעון אומרים באחד בתשרי באחד בתשרי ראש השנה לשנים ולשמיטין וליובלות לנטיעה ולירקות באחד בשבט ראש השנה לאילן כדברי בית שמאי בית הלל אומרים בחמשה עשר בו

"The four New Years are the first of Nissan, which is the New Year's for kings and pilgrimages; the first of Elul, which is the New Year's for tithing of animals (Rabbi Elazar and Rabbi Shimon say it is on the first of Tishrei); the first of Tishrei, which is the New Year's for sabbatical and jubilee years; the [counting of the years of] planted trees and vegetables is the first of Shvat according to the School of Shamai; the School of Hillel says the fifteenth of the month."

And naturally, since Shamai almost always loses to Hillel, the New Year's for the trees is the fifteenth, not first, of the month of Shvat.

So, last night some of the guys, including Ronen, Zev, Jamin, and Yakir, organized a Tu B'shvat seder. Now, I know most of you probably think that a seder is purely a Passover thing. Well, it's not. So there. However, the Tu B'shvat seder (hereafter the TBS) did feature all the good things in a Passover seder, namely, songs, weird food, a sense of comradery, and a few good laughs.

First, the food. As evidenced by the picture (left), we had lots of fruit: dates, grapes, figs, wheat (products), which are among the seven species of Israel; bananas, almonds, prunes, and apricots, because "why not?"; and cola, as a drink.

As to the songs-- well, most of the seder was made up of songs. And I only recognized about three of the fifteen or so songs, so I was in the dark most of the time. I mean, I was in the dark most of the time anyway, as the presentation was a PowerPoint hooked up to an overhead projector, but you know what I mean. And the comradery. There was a lot of that. Everyone singing the familiar songs, each with an arm around his neighbor's shoulder. In Israel, things are different with regard to agriculture. Everyone knows that they're living in an arid environment, and are thus thankful for the fruit that they do produce. So the thankfulness is really felt. And as for the laughs? Ronen, king of the avant-guard humor, tastefully snuck a few well-placed jokes between songs, such as "name Asor's siblings", "where did Yonatan's roommates hide his things at the beginning of the year?" and "a riddle: who doesn't have a back?"

I guess the only negative part of the whole thing was how the ceremony lasted close to two hours. Argh. And that can seem like ten hours if you don't know the songs.

Anyway, in the learning world, today we did more of Sanhedrin. We need to finish the ninth chapter of the tractate by Thursday, since we are switching to tractate Pesachim on Monday. So we're rushing a bit. Since we're dealing with a fun subject, capital punishment, I thought I'd share a few choice bits here. Such as while Jewish law recognizes four forms of execution (stoning, burning, beheading, and strangulation) there is also a fifth category for killing when there is a legal technicality. Such methods include placing the person in question into a small box and feeding him barley until his stomach explodes. Fun.

Also, for certain people (stealing from the Temple, cursing with magic, sleeping with an Aramean woman), whose situation is also equally unverifiable, zealots are allowed to kill them "in the heat of the moment." One example is found in Numbers chapter 25, in the, shall we say, "love triangle" of Phineas, Cozbi, and Zimri. The gmara in Sanhedrin brings a lot of details to the situation. Some of the more... unusual things I found are where Phineas' spear punctured Zimri and Cozbi (not proper to write explicitly, but suffice it to say that both were impaled simultaneously in painful places) and how many times Zimri and Cozbi had sex before being killed (424, as derived from some gematria). All I could say as I read this was "Whaaaa...?!" The gmara is so well written for legal analysis, it's no wonder that so many Jews are lawyers; but at the same time, looking at all the crazy stories also here, it's also no wonder that so many Jews end up writing for Hollywood.

In Brief: in the class about the book of Exodus, Chezi presented a breakdown of the Ten Plagues that was almost exactly like mine on Va'eira ... in Meta-Halacha, Rav Elisha discussed premarital sex through the laws of concubines (yes, I too was confused) ... in bkiyut gmara, I learned for the first time with Jason, as well as Micah, tractate Makot, though due to his learning style, I may not continue with Jason ... in night gmara, I learned with Eitan Rubinstein about the masses and volumes of wheat and barley for some reason or another.

That's it for now, folks.

(By the way, the answers to the humorous Tu B'shvat quandries above are "Ne'ot, Misgav, and Mizmor"; "the freezer"; and "Ezra". Though I don't think you were interested.)

Almost done with the Israeli safari

You know, I have so few Israelis left to introduce I figured I should just do it now. There are still a few more to photograph and publish in my safari-like quest, but I just want to get it over, get this burden off my shoulders, you know?

As always, pick the incorrect answer about each of the following:

1. Kirby (left)
a. His real name is Yoni, but since we already have a real Yoni and a fake Yoni, he is just "Kirby"
b. An American, he transferred from Netiv Aryeh, partially because of his dislike of rosh yeshiva Rav Bina
c. Is Benjamin Epstein's sixth roommate this year

2. Natan Drucker
a. Is very quiet
b. Was my first-ever Israeli chevruta
c. Earned the nickname "Speedy" for his quickness on the basketball court

3. Hedi Goldshmidt
a. Is the only Israeli in the Cholent Club
b. I called him "Idai" for the first two months of the year
c. Is a big skateboarder

4. Jess Dvash (left)
a. Does no community service
b. Plays a lot of Yaniv
c. Brought an electric guitar to yeshiva to practice his heavy metal music

5. Tani Bernstein
a. One of seven Yonatans in our shiluv
b. Lives in Jerusalem
c. Much like Aaron Abramson, is a big contributor to the Learnometer

BONUS: Create the shortest possible list of countries that contains all 26 letters of the English alphabet. List all answers alphabetically. Territories do not count. Using weird countries may or may not earn you extra points.

Example: Botswana, Cambodia, Equatorial Guinea, France, Japan, Kyrgyzstan, Lesotho, Mexico, Vietnam

Tangential Discussion

This week's parsha was parshat בשלח, and this totally scared me. Well, the fact that it is בשלח was not inherently frightening. Rather, when I saw on the shabbat calendar where we were, I gasped. (Well, not really a gasp, but more of a "urkh," but there is no real verb for making that sound. Well, there is now!) I urkhed because I've been in Israel for five months and one week. Time has really flown. I mean really really flown. To put that five months seven days in perspective, I have six weeks until I go home for Pesach. Then, after this month break, I have less than two months until I'm done for good in yeshiva (discounting shana bet, which is very unlikely). And all those high school graduates know that time zips by after Pesach.

Speaking of time, today I started an investigation into the workings of the Jewish calendar. Assisting me in my studies is kolelman Steven Exler, and a book about the workings of the Jewish calendar. The reason I wanted to look into the calendar is because I had heard that every nineteen years one's Hebrew and English birthdays coincide, but this year, they are a day off for me. Today we started with a prerequisite study, namely, understanding time with regards to astronomy. We looked at the three units of time: days, months, and years. Days, we read, are sunset to sunset, and hours, minutes and seconds are units of a day, and not units in and of themselves. Months and years, though they contain a specific number of days, are rather measured by cycles: the waxing and waning of the moon makes the lunar cycle, and the passing of four seasons makes the solar cycle. Steven and I were particularly puzzled by a certain graph, which led us to think the book had made a mistake.

Speaking of Steven, today was a birthday party for his roommate, Eitan Rubinstein. Eitan will be 24 on Wednesday, but since his girlfriend Arielle is here for Shabbat, we did the party today. All the Americans stopped by, and soon the dessert reception turned into a Shabbat sing-a-long (Shabbat-a-long?). Eitan gave a Dvar Torah, which everyone then bashed in appreciation of the birthday boy.

Speaking of the party, one of the Americans present at the party was one of our mothers, and a Level One fan of the blog (Levels will be arbitrarily made up from now on). Yes, Tina Epstein is here for Shabbat. Even before we were formally introduced, I knew it was her from her physical likeness to Benjamin, her Epstein sense of humor, her Texas accent ("y'all"), and her excitement about this blog. After shabbat dinner, she shared with us what she did in Jerusalem this week, told us about discovering the blog and recruiting votes for the contest, and divulged embarassing stories about her son. We also taught her to play Fa-No-Ha-So, in which I won one game and the lost the other.

Speaking of things won and lost, I made good on my lost Yaniv bet, and cleared an entire shabbat table. At least, I tried. Not everyone knew about my losing, and thus some people helped me clear. I didn't complain. I have fulfilled my obligations. To be honest, I think I know why people helped me clear: the food this week seemed worse than usual, from the soup to the cholent.

Speaking of cholent, Cholent Bowl VI was a tremendous success this week. First off, we revoltionized the financial system, ensuring that everyone who eats pays. Actually, it was less of a revolution and more of an organization, merely collecting the money in advance. And the cholent was, I think, the best batch yet, though it was a little sweet. Most people opined the same.

Speaking of people's opinions, I am now starting a new feature on the blog, AskYoni. Write me an email with a question, and I when I have enough, I will write a post with the questions and my answers. Ask me about Israel, yeshiva, politics, food, sports, Ilan's smell, personal advice-- anything! This probably won't work, but it's worth a try. AskYoni- responding to your questions all the time!

Speaking of time, you know time has really flown?

Victory is Mine!

The weather, so far quite pleasant for the month of February, has suddenly taken a turn for the worse. During the day, the skies are an ominous gray, threatening rain. And usually, the black night fulfills the promise of the morning skies. There is usually a strong wind, that both blows the rain at sharp angles, as well as influencing the "wind-chill factor." The only word I can think of can be described by the following picture:

blustery.
Tuesday was my greatest moment of Jewish Geography yet. As I was snacking on some Oreos that I brought to the Beit Midrash, an boger asked me if he could have one. Now, I don't know most of the bogers, and I must admit that I did not recognize him. Nevertheless, he looked very very familiar. When he took the cookie, he said "thababa," and the lisp reminded me.

"Yaya?" I asked. "Yaya Fink?"

Yaya Fink was my counselor at a summer camp I attended, Camp Tel Yehuda in Berryville, NY. This was in 2001. I remembered him from nearly four and a half years ago. He is in shiluv yud (10), and he is here to learn on a brief army furlough.

Yesterday was community service, in which I aptly participated by watching Ohr (left) do a puzzle by himself for the entirety of the time there. I sat there watching him, having nothing else to do.

Apparently, this did not sit well with his mother, who wanted me to play with him, even though he clearly indicated that he did not want me to help at all. "Talk with him," she told me. With? How can I talk with someone who won't talk back, both because of his physical disabilities and his desire to be left alone? I tried, though to no avail. I even offered to read him his four favorite books, just to be talking to him. (From left) "A Dinner Invitation"; "The Lion who Loved Strawberries"; "Hot Corn"; and "Eliezer and the Carrot." But no. The puzzle!

Last night I watched the highly-acclaimed Coen brothers movie "O Brother Where Art Thou?" The story parallels "The Odyssey," and I noticed some of the many references to the Homer's epic. Although, it was a typical Coen movie, which meant that it was somewhat odd in many ways. And, that it had many of the same Coen brothers faces (John Turturro, John Goodman, to name a few).

I am also watching the TV show "Scrubs," which is a lot of fun. I think the word that best describes the show is "quirky." Now, when I have all these good movies to see (there is a Hitchcock collection, Coen brothers collection, Seinfeld, as well as some of my own movies on my list), why, you might ask, am I watching a TV show? See, the thing is, with so few computers that can play DVDs (Ilan, David Zvi, Weiler), people are afraid that they will have to give the computer back in the middle of the movie. So watching a 22-minute episode is safer, and allows you to finish at least one good "TV Unit."

Before I go see what we're doing tonight for Thursday night fun night, allow me to announce the final results of the Jerusalem Post's blog awards:

3rd place: More Tales of Crime and Treason on the High Seas (14%)

2nd place: Beach Hillel (15%)

1st place: Yoni in Israel (28%) !!!!!!

Thank you all for your support, your votes, and your listening ear.

You stay classy, blogdom.

הדרן עלך

Today marked yet another regular day here at Ma'aleh Gilboa. Yawn. Good thing we that we have so much fun stuff going on. For example, since I know that so many of you have been asking, I have found a new bkiyut chevruta. Unfortunately, his name is Jason Ast, which means that he's bound to disappear at random times and tell no-one. Like today, for example, when he ditched our first session to go fishing. We'll try again tomorrow... no wait, Thursday, since tomorrow bkiyut time is spent doing community service.

Another fun thing we did today was a much-anticipated shiur with Rav Elisha. The much-anticipation, to me, seems a bit bizarre, since the topic was concubination, the noun form I may have made up to describe the profession of a concubine. I think we thought it was a shiur about PMS (premarital sex), but Rav Elisha always manages to surprise us. Or confuse us. Or maybe this was the shiur, and we just didn't know it. Rav Elisha is like that.

However, the highlight of the day by far was the siyum, or finishing party of a set of learning. So far, I have been to three siyums: one for Tractate Eruvin, by one of the bogrim; one for season four of Seinfeld; and one fake siyum that was actually a surprise party. This siyum, following the pattern of fake-fun siyums, celebrated Ronen and Gadiel's completion of the novel "Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix" (a book that probably takes longer to read than a gmara). They provided beer bottles labelled "Butterbeer" (right), construction papers rolled up to make wands, and newspapers with "The Daily Prophet" and "The Quibbler" taped over the mastheads. There was also food, which he gave to us as we used the "Accio" incantation.

The highlight, which had most people in tears, was the following, which is a play on the ceremonial oath recited at the conclusion of the tractate. The hebrew is by Ronen and Gadiel, and the English translation is mine. I sincerely recommend looking at the real version, which can be found at the end of a standard gmara (Schottenstein edition for the english). Not only to compare, but hopefully also when you finish a tractate of gmara.

Note: the Hebrew version is much funnier than the english, which I included to give you a general idea. Especially when you know the real "הדרן עלך."

הדרן עלך הארי פוטר חמש והדרך עלן
דעתן עלך הארי פוטר חמש ודעתך עלן
לא נתנשי מנך מסדר עוף החול
ולא תתנשי מנן
לא בעלמא דמוגלגים
ולא בעלמא דקוסמים

יהי רצון מלפניך דמבלדור מורינו ופרופסינו שתהא הלטת הכרה בעולם הזה ותהא עימנו
בעולם הבא. הארי בר פפא, רון בר פפא, הרמיוני בת פפא, ג'יני בת פפא, טחובר בר פפא, פרד וג'ורג' בני פפא, לונה המכונה מג'נונה בת פפא, נוויל השלומפר בר פפא, הדוויג בת פפא

הערב נא דמבלדורינו את קסמיך בשרביטינו ובשרביטי כל צבא דמבלדור. ונהיה [כולנו] אנחנו וצאצאינו וצאצאי צאצאינו וצאצאאציצינו ו.. צאצאי כל מסדר עוף החול כולנו יודעי שמך (דמבי) ולומדי פטרונוס לשמה. מוולדרמורט תחכמיני קסמיך, כי הנבואה אצלי. יהי שרביטי תמיד בהיכון למען אעשה אעלוהאמ"ורע. לעולם לא אשכח נבואתיך כי בם חייתני. אמן אמן סלה ועד.

מודים אנחנו לך פרופסור מקנגל, ששמת חלקינו מיושבי גרינפנדור, ולא שמת חלקינו עם אוכלי המוות. שאנו משכימים והם משכימים, אנו משכימים ללמוד מגננה, והם משכימים לברוח מאזקבאן. אנו עמלים והם עמלים, אנו עמלים ומקבלים בירצפת, והם עמלים וחוטפים לפנים. אנו עפים והם עפים, אנו עפים במשחק הקווידיץ, והם עפים לאזקבאן, שנאמר: "אני חוששת... אני חוששת שנשקפת לך סכנה איומה!" חתמה הפרופסור טרלוני בגבה מורמת." (ה"פ 5, דף שכ"ו פ' ההע"ה [ט"ו])

יהי רצון מלפנייך גברת רולינג, כשם שעזרת לי לסיים ספר חמישי מממכן תעזרי לי להתחיל ספרים חדשים ולסיימם, לקסום
ולהקסים ולתקוף ולהתגונן ולהפעיל את כל קיסמי המגננה באהבה. וזכות כל הקוסמים וההילאים וכל תלמידי הוגוורטס יעמוד לי ולזרעי, שלא ישכח הספר הזה מפי ומפי אחי ומפי חברי עד עולם. ותתקיים בי הנבואה: "כי איש מהם לא יוכל לחיות כל עוד ימשיך השני להתקיים".
הארי לעולם אמן אמן. ודמבלדור מת!

We shall return to you, “Harry Potter 5”, and you shall return to us. Our thoughts are on you, “Harry Potter 5”, and your thoughts are on us. We will not forget you, “Order of the Phoenix”. We will not forget you— not in the Muggle world, not in the magical world.

May it be your will, Professor Dumbledore, that your Occlumency be our preoccupation in this world, and remain with us in the world to come. Harry son of Pappa, Ron son of Pappa, Hermione daughter of Pappa, Ginny daughter of Pappa, Tachover son of Pappa, Fred and George the sons of Pappa, Loopy Luna Lovegood daughter of Pappa, clumsy Neville son of Pappa, Hedwig daughter of Pappa.

Please, Professor Dumbledore, sweeten your incantations in our wands and in the wands of all of Dumbledore’s Army. And may we— we, our offspring, our offspring’s offspring, our offspring’s offspring’s offspring, our offspring’s offspring’s offspring’s offspr— and all of the Order of the Phoenix know your name (“Dumby”) and learn the Patronus charm for its sake. Your magic makes me wiser than Voldemort for the Prophecy is with me. May my wand forever be ready, so that I may perform the Alohamora charm. I will never forget your Prophecy, for through it you have preserved me. Amen! Amen! Selah! Forever!

We express gratitude before you, Professor McGonagall, that you have established our portion with those who dwell in Gryffindor, and have not established our portion with the Death Eaters. For we arise early and they arise early; we arise early to learn Defense Against the Dark Arts, while they arise early to escape from Azkaban. We toil and they toil; we toil and receive Butterbeer, while they toil and are severely punished. We fly and they fly; we fly in the game of Quidditch, while they fly to Azkaban, as it is said: "I am afraid… I am afraid that you are in grave danger!” (“Harry Potter 5”, Chapter 15)

May it be your will, Ms. Rowling, that just as you have helped me complete the fifth book, so may you help me to begin other books, and to complete them; to perform magic and to be magical, to strike and to protect all the spells of Defense Against the Dark Arts with love. May the merit of all the wizards and Aurors and all the students of Hogwarts stand by me and my children, that this book shall not depart from my mouth and from the mouth of my brothers and from the mouth of my friends forever. And may the Prophecy be fulfilled: “and either must die at the hand of the other for neither can live while the other survives.”

Blessed is Harry forever, Amen! Amen!
And Dumbledore dies!

Are you ready for some football????

Well, I certainly was. Superbowl XL! I will skip the cliche Extra-Large reference that every sportswriter insisted on making, but as it was my first football game this season, I was quite excited. But before the game, I had an entire day to fill. Or as I thought of it, to waste.

I woke up relatively late, sent some emails and packed my backpack to leave. I walked to my computer shop, where I learned that the guy had not even started yet. Good old Israelis. I met Benjamin Epstein in Katamon, and from there we walked to Emek Refaim and then to the Old City, where we prayed mincha. Praying at the Wall was kind of difficult, as it was very very bright, and a bunch of brainwashed nine year olds were yelling at the top of their lungs. But other than that, it was quite nice. From there, we walked to Ben Yehuda Street, where we met Micah, just back from his trip to Prague. We played some cards, and then Jamin and I returned to Katamon to try to get some sleep before the game.

Despite lying on a soft bed for two hours, I did not get any sleep. Neither did Benjamin. We were at the Bronfman appartment, apparently some kind of appartment for a "non-program" for people who were on some kind of Bronfman summer program two years ago. Whatever. I met some interesting people, and got to read some of a playwright I enjoy, David Ives. "Sure Thing", "Words Words Words", "The Philadelphia"-- incredible revolutionary shows. One act shows.

From there we went to the pregame party at Marans' appartment, right off of Ben Yehuda Street. It has been in his family's possession for generations, and it is still in the 1960's decor, with the weird furnishings and tacky wallpaper. Still, it was a lot of fun. In attendance were myself, Jamin, Marans, Jason, David Zvi, DMD (David Mayer-Deutsch), Weiler, Micah and Josh. We drank some Danish beer called Hoegaarden, snacked on Bisli and Cheetos, and played cards. The catch, though, was that Marans' neighbor downstairs, a grumpy old lady, kept telling us to be quiet. I called her Ethel Rabinowitz because I didn't know her name, and soon some of the guys did too. Some party; it was all quiet as we built up to the biggest game of the year.

Soon, it was 1 a.m., and time for the game. We watched at the Center for Conservative Judaism, which is on Agron Street, which means to me that it is halfway between Ben Yehuda Street and the Dan Panorama. When we got there, the guard told us we needed passports to enter, and my heart sank like a large heavy piece of lasagna, as my passport was at the yeshiva. Fortunately, my driver's license sufficed, and we were in. The game was projected onto a screen, but it was big and in good quality. The game was on!

Though it was great to watch the game, there were some downsides. One was that I was watching with people with whom I don't watch the big game (Feld's house, you know I love you!). Another was that the snacks were eh. Another was that the game was being broadcast by ESPN international, which meant that instead of seeing the hilarious Superbowl commercials, we saw the same three self-promoting ESPN commercials for four hours. For the record, they were for the Bucks-Magic game, the international baseball tournament, and for the world series of poker. I know because I saw each about sixty zillion times.

And the game? It was... okay, I guess. Two good teams playing hard. I called the keys to the game, and predicted that Seattle would win if they converted third downs, didn't make a big mistake, and played well on special teams. They didn't do any of those, so Pittsburgh triumphed, 21-10. But Seattle wuz robbed. Now don't get me wrong; I think Seattle made plenty of stupid plays and bad decisions and mental blunders. But the officiating had it out for them. If anyone should be the MVP for the most valuable person, it should be referee Bill Leavy, for basically giftwrapping the game for Pittsburgh. For more information, see this article.

The game ended at 5 a.m., so we hurried back to Marans' pad to get a few hours of sleep before the van left at 10 a.m. I woke up with the unpleasant experience of Bisli breath. Yuck. We made it back to the yeshiva in record time, and most of the guys have taken a long nap and/or hot showers before resuming studies. I haven't done either, so I am exhausted. I'm so tired, it's starting to influence my typing.

Ltaer floks.

Lots of R's: Reading, 'riting, Resting, Reclining, R-lunching...

Shabbat is over, but the weekend is just beginning. The van leaves back to YMG tomorrow morning, so we have a full day on the town before the Superbowl at 1:30 a.m. The only semi-downside to all this is that all my friends at Jerusalem yeshivas are business-as-usual, as this Sunday is to them a regular day. Then again, considering my succcess rate of the past two days, I don't think it would have mattered much anyway.

Shabbat at the Avericks' was just as I expected it to be:

Looking forward to good food, time for reading, and sleep.

The food was superb, though I missed Jose's famous cholent by one shabbat. I did some reading- finished the controversial "A Million Little Pieces," read "The Little Prince," and read some of Buber's "I and Thou."
I also got a healthy amount of sleep, which I will need to stay up for the entire game tonight.

Lunch was also intersting yesterday. We had an engaged couple, Ya'akov and Anna for lunch. He was French, she Italian. I felt like I was attending a UN banquet, with French, Italian, Mexican (Jose), American (Sarah), and Israelis (all the kids). It also felt like the UN as I had to find places for everyone to sit while making sure that (a) the couple sat next to Jose and/or Sarah, (b) Avital and her friend Chagit were sitting next to each other, and (c) Nehemiah and Elisheva were not sitting next to or across from each other. I finally made it work. Go Model UN!

Last night was not too exciting. I was supposed to meet Ariel Hausman on Ben Yehuda Street last night, but at the last second he called in sick, leaving me with nothing to do. I called a few more people, to no success. So I spent the rest of the night doing some reading and writing. Hopefully, today I'll be able to see some people.

Birthday time! Three birthdays today! I think that breaks the record of two. Avi Samuels! Dani Fattal! Jason Ast! You are all a combined 82 years old (I think). So let us sing in birthday harmony (you know, I'm running out of ways to say that, aren't I?):

Happy birthday to yous,
Happy birthday to yous,
Happy birthday to Avi, Jason, and Dani,
Happy birthday to yous!

The Chicago Tribute

Got this from my aunt Leslie... it seems that YoniinIsrael has spread far and wide. This is from a fellow blogger, whose site was also nominated for a JIB award. The post is not relevant, but the first of the comments are:

Because I'm In My Twenties and It's What You Do

15 Comments:
At 1:45 PM, Anonymous said...
Robbie-you don't know me, I don't know you, but I found you while trying to vote for favorite blogs (you'll be happy to know I'm voting for you after having reviewed many other's blogs). It is a shame you are not a bit younger and at yeshiva in Israel...oy, would I have a match for you!! Go to Yoniinisrael.blogspot.com--this kid's not only exceedingly bright, but about the funniest around! Unfortunately, too young and far...He too is up for some best blog award. Enjoy and continue this delightful blog!

At 11:27 PM, Robbie said...
Thanks for the vote!I went to the site - turns out I know the brother of one of the guys in yeshiva with him. Good stuff to read, and, well, I may be in Israel next year, so, I'll keep him in mind!

Oh, compliments! Especially from someone I don't know.
This all looks good, except for one slightly prominent fact:
Robbie is a guy.
Yikes!

The Plague of Hail

This week's Torah reading contains the epic conclusion of the Ten Plagues brought down upon Egypt. While it took all ten to make Pharaoh "let my people go!", it only took one plague to ruin my day. Blood, frogs, lice, wild animals, pestilence, boils, locusts, darkness, and the slaying of the first born are thankfully off the ledger, but the weather today has been hail, as well as rain, wind, lightning, and thunder.

The day started innocently enough. The Americans' shuttle to Jerusalem showed up twenty minutes late, yet still managed to get us there twenty minutes early. After praying in the Central Bus Station's synagogue, I ate a breakfast I instantly regretted at a greasy spoon diner. The eggs were salty, the bread stale, and the Greek Salad was no more Greek than I am. From there, I taxied to Katamon, where I would be staying for Shabbat. I dropped my malfunctioning computer at my computer shop, and, having nothing else to do, went for a walk.

I do not say "nothing else to do" lightly. True, I do enjoy the occasional stroll around town, but I'd rather hang out with some of my friends, or at least, stroll with them. And since Friday is the big day off in Israel (no Sundays, or rather, no Sundays off), I figured someone would want to do something. So I was actually quite shocked when everyone I called was "busy" or "unavailable" or "sleeping" or "I never want to see your face again, do you understand me?!" My yeshiva friends all disappeared rather hastily to their Shabbat destinations: Josh to Tel Aviv, Jamin to Ein Gedi, Yehuda to a funeral, Ilan to America (he left last night), and everyone else to wherever. And after I got nada* from Micah, Leor, Liora, Ruthie, and Ariel Hausman, I decided to get some excercize, something that has been hard for me to do with the Terrible Toe.

So I walked. From Katamon to Emek Refaim to Keren Hayessod Street. Overall, it took a little more than an hour. And the weather was nice. But then, as I was about to reach the top of Keren Hayessod, the skies opened up. I didn't even get a chance to reach my final destination, the almighty Ben Yehuda Street. I taxied back to Katamon, where I am currently typing this message. Hail bounced off the windshield off the taxi, whose driver's irritation increased, as this distracted him from his egg salad sandwich (as well as his driving, though that is somewhat less of a priority).

And now? I am at the Avericks' once again, fed, showered (though with the weather, probably not necessary), and ready for the shabbat. Looking forward to good food, time for reading, and sleep.

Shabbat Shalom.

*nada: a light chicken gravy

Seen your shadow lately?

Today is February 2nd, is Groundhog’s Day. What that means at YMG, I don’t know. I don’t even know how to say “groundhog” in Hebrew, and I think the whole idea of a rodent’s shadow serving as a meteorological predictor, even only in folklore, could count as religious heresy. Nevertheless, if there is a Groundhog’s Day here, the beastly creature must have seen its shadow, or not seen its shadow, or whatever, because it’s been storming and lightning-ing all night.

The past few days have sort of blended together, not into coherent ideas, but into a collection of occurrences and recollections. Some of what I remember from the blur that was, and is, the TueWedThursday amalgam:

• “Super” Scheduling: Well, we finally solved the whole Superbowl dilemma. We are going to watch the game at the Center for Conservative Judaism, right in downtown J-lem. The best part, of course, for us Jews is the fact that it’s free! We’re going to watch the game at 1:00 a.m., crash at Marans’ apartment (apparently not too far from the game), and take the van back to yeshiva Monday morning, 10 a.m.
• Call the Toe Truck: The toe, thanks for asking, is fine, or at least, healing. It is still tough to walk on, but I think it’s improving. One plus to all this is that I am getting the unusual opportunity to see a variety of colors: the red of fresh blood, the burgundy of dried blood, the yellow cream, the fresh whiteness of a new bandage. And I’m lucky to have bandages to change: the surgeon told me that I would need to change it every day, but since the nurse works on some arbitrary schedule, she wouldn’t be here until next Tuesday. Luckily, the office managed to bring her here especially for me.
• Not Getting My Learn On: Once again, I am chevruta-less. Yotam, my bkiyut buddy, told me that he wanted to “pursue other things.” I think he was trying to pull the “it’s not you, it’s me” routine, but I’m not sure if the concept has arrived here yet. So, to list all the chevrutas I have had, in order:
  Yonatan Ori, Josh Tal, Tzuri Blanc, Natan Drucker, Eitan Rubinstein, Jason Ast, Dov Leibowitz, Asaf Yechi, Yotam Brom, Yair Lerner, Rafael Shenkolavsky.
• Additionally, I did my usual bout of community service, did not receive my package in the mail, suffered a few sleepless nights, and consumed six cucumbers (not because of my affinity to them; they are just getting smaller, so more are needed to get the same nutritional value. If you can call it nutrition)

Last word: the JIB voting, I think, ended today, and on behalf of all the staff of YoniinIsrael, I thank you for voting. If I have not yet acknowledged you, please send me an email or leave a comment on the site. Yes, I love making up those nicknames.

Free weekend tomorrow. Jerusalem, Superbowl, here I come!

JIB Awards

Hello there!

If you look to the left, you will see a banner that has not been there until recently. This because this very blog has been nominated for "Best Student Blog" on jpost.com! Although I did not submit my blog for consideration (thanks mom and dad), I am nevertheless honored to be nominated. To be considered is great in itself, but I figure, while we're at it, why not go for the win?

That's where you, dear reader, come in. Click on the button on the left, and you will be redirected to voting e-booth. You could check out the competition, but let me save you the trouble: mine is the best. By far. No, but seriously, I did check all the other nominees; most are nice, some are professionally done, but I still feel that mine is the best. So there.

Vote. Every vote counts. Vote twice if you want; you can vote once every three days from a given computer. Voting ends February 2nd, which is why this post is dated then, even though we are still in January.

Whether you've been reading since the very beginning, or you're a new user, or you're just reading this post, your vote counts! And if you leave me a message saying you voted, you will receive special recognition (see below)!

Thank you, and happy voting!

Registered Voters

Sara and Jose "Cholent" Averick
Jason "Lifeguard" Ast
Benjy "Lefty" Bain
Daniel "Towel" Bain
Judy and Lena "Aunt and Cousin" Bain
Liza "Cake" Bain
Mom and Dad "Parents" Bain
Ruthie "San Antonio" Barenblatt
Jill "Ms." Beerman
Steven "Ferger" Berger
Alyssa "Fan Club" Birnbaum
Sam "Oriole" Blitzstein
Jonah "Handshake" Braun
Sandra "PASS" Braun
Gal "Bushayyyy" Bushy
Ilan "Kodak" Caplan
Emily "Salmon P." Chase
Sandy "Sandra Dee" Diminstein
Tammy "Apron" Dolgin
Rochelle "Rochelle Emert" Emert
Benjamin "Jamin" Epstein
Ellen "Yet Another" Epstein
Kira "Washington" Epstein
Tina "Sefardic" Epstein
Anna "Banana" Etra
Paula "Lulav and" Etra
Janet "Pupik" Fattal
Julie "Editor" Fax
Susan and Robert "Mr. & Mrs. Smith-Fink" Fink-Smith
Ezra "Fishy" Fishman
Maure "Henna" Gardner
Talya "Taboo" Goldfinger
Grandma and Grandpa "Chopped Liver" Greenberger
Leslie "Nina" Greenberger
Nancy "12 Dozen" Gross
David "Stong Jew?" Grossman
Fran "Graduation Planner" Grossman
Gabby "Grizelda" Grossman
Ellen "Tennis" Hausman
Mark "Boychick" Heiligman
Marc "Lollipop" Herskovitz
Batia "Not Batya" Hofstadter
Jeff "Roman" Kandel
Sherry and Mark "Not Princeton Review" Kaplan
Tzvi "Peanuts" Kaplan
Joelle "Mean Jo" Keene
Micah "Neighburt" Koplow
Papa "John" Luzzatto
Erik "Harman Nettler" Mintz
Paul "Pesach" Nisenbaum
Yonatan "Israeli" Oren
Liora "Penn is Mightier" Pollick
Avrum "Jeff" Rabin
Mordechai "Bus!" Rabin
Ron "Pomegranate" Rimmon
Jonny "Hotel" Ritz
Vicky and Mark "Banana Fana Fo Fothman" Rothman
Liz and Avi "Joizy" Samuels
Michael "Wishes He Was Cool" Samuels
Stephen "suineg live" Selznick
Avi and Sandi "Amazing!" Schlesinger
Yoni "Fake Yoni" Schwartz
Gabriella "Twins" Shapiro
Harlan "Stainlesse" Steele
Phil "STELLAR!" Stellar
Josh "That Guy!" Tabak
Josh "Like" Tal
David "Mr. T" Titcher
Channa "Spring Summer Fall" Wintner
Marylou "Loumary" Yadegar