The Midnight News on KYMG, Ma'aleh Gilboa's one and only television station
With John Denmark, lead anchor, formerly of KSHS, the Boiling Point cartoon newsteam.
Featuring special correspondent Yoni Bain in the field.
Tonight's lead story: Rosh Yeshiva Rav Bigman just completed his weekly conversation/lecture with the Americans. The discussion covered topics ranging from Resurrection to multi-dimensionality to the meaning of life. At least, that's what I think it was about; it was quite confusing. I think I came away with two pieces of wisdom from tonight. The first is Rav Bigman's quote,"Time is a figment of our imagination," which I think makes sense; my days here at yeshiva are so long, and it seems fantastical that the days go by so quickly, and how I try to cram too much into a 24-hour span, usually resulting in a lack of sleep and/or making up for that lack of sleep by skipping the 6:45 davenning. The other thing I learned is that human beings, when understanding that they understand nothing, understand more. Try to understand that. So I guess, then, I understand more, by understanding seemingly very little, after tonight's lecture.
Tomorrow's forecast includes midmorning showers, beautiful views, and lunchroom lynchings. Dinner is getting worse and worse; not regarding the food itself, which remains as repetitive as ever. No, I am referring to other factors, like a lack of enough silverware, kitchen maintenance, and, more importantly, enough food to go around. By the time I arrived at dinner (late, due to a class that ran over), the eggs, tomatoes, cottage cheese, and cups were all gone. One night, when pasta wasn't served, the staff even forgot to put our pizzas in the sarcophagus-sized ovens, which in turned caused a long (pizza) bread-line that was, at best, Judaically mutinous. These mealtime shortcomings, combined with the fact that I am highly irritable after a long day of confusing and mind-racking Judaic learnings, may soon lead to Marina the lunchlady's head decapitated and stuffed full of the rotting cucumbers she tries to pass off as food. Perhaps I am just negative after a long day, and need sleep.
And on to sports: The Clippers are 3-0, while I relentlessly taunt my New York friends about how the Knicks are 0-3. The Patriots-Colts showdown tonight in Foxboro, Mass., is yet another American sporting game that I will miss watching; and ultimate frisbee will be called off at Ma'aleh Gilboa due to weather.
And finally: somewhere, a cute little forest animal is doing something so inanely stupid that it gets put at the end of every newscast, making it no longer original but cliche. This story features a chipmunk who waterskis while juggling sixteen acorns. This story is not relevant to anything at all Ma'aleh Gilboan, but, as I said earlier, is cliche.
Yes, I think I need some sleep, and bad.
"That's my story, and I'm sticking to it." Good night!
Featuring special correspondent Yoni Bain in the field.
Tonight's lead story: Rosh Yeshiva Rav Bigman just completed his weekly conversation/lecture with the Americans. The discussion covered topics ranging from Resurrection to multi-dimensionality to the meaning of life. At least, that's what I think it was about; it was quite confusing. I think I came away with two pieces of wisdom from tonight. The first is Rav Bigman's quote,"Time is a figment of our imagination," which I think makes sense; my days here at yeshiva are so long, and it seems fantastical that the days go by so quickly, and how I try to cram too much into a 24-hour span, usually resulting in a lack of sleep and/or making up for that lack of sleep by skipping the 6:45 davenning. The other thing I learned is that human beings, when understanding that they understand nothing, understand more. Try to understand that. So I guess, then, I understand more, by understanding seemingly very little, after tonight's lecture.
Tomorrow's forecast includes midmorning showers, beautiful views, and lunchroom lynchings. Dinner is getting worse and worse; not regarding the food itself, which remains as repetitive as ever. No, I am referring to other factors, like a lack of enough silverware, kitchen maintenance, and, more importantly, enough food to go around. By the time I arrived at dinner (late, due to a class that ran over), the eggs, tomatoes, cottage cheese, and cups were all gone. One night, when pasta wasn't served, the staff even forgot to put our pizzas in the sarcophagus-sized ovens, which in turned caused a long (pizza) bread-line that was, at best, Judaically mutinous. These mealtime shortcomings, combined with the fact that I am highly irritable after a long day of confusing and mind-racking Judaic learnings, may soon lead to Marina the lunchlady's head decapitated and stuffed full of the rotting cucumbers she tries to pass off as food. Perhaps I am just negative after a long day, and need sleep.
And on to sports: The Clippers are 3-0, while I relentlessly taunt my New York friends about how the Knicks are 0-3. The Patriots-Colts showdown tonight in Foxboro, Mass., is yet another American sporting game that I will miss watching; and ultimate frisbee will be called off at Ma'aleh Gilboa due to weather.
And finally: somewhere, a cute little forest animal is doing something so inanely stupid that it gets put at the end of every newscast, making it no longer original but cliche. This story features a chipmunk who waterskis while juggling sixteen acorns. This story is not relevant to anything at all Ma'aleh Gilboan, but, as I said earlier, is cliche.
Yes, I think I need some sleep, and bad.
"That's my story, and I'm sticking to it." Good night!
posted by Yoni Bain | 2:12 PM
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